“Pao, happy birthday! Babatiin na kita ngayon coz I bet buong
araw ako nito tulog bukas. Hehe. Kararating ko lang from work, nag
aadik! Anyways, Take Care! Nyt”
I was about to sleep when he replied after a couple of minutes, my
phone beep. It was him, he had invited me to be at the bar where he
held his birthday. I was skeptical for a reason I can’t understand. I
was sick and tired that day and I really deserved a long sleep (which I
usually do on my rest days). I declined the offer nicely and went back
to get my sleep again.
I got another sms from him, he said: “Punta ka na, birthday ko naman e. I have my officemates kaya madami tayo. Pakikilala kita. Please?”
Yeah, now there’s this magic word. Besides, I was hell stress
throughout the week so I guess it won’t hurt if I stop by the bar and
mingle around.
When I arrived at the place, I send him an sms and I told him to pick me up.
After 5 months, we saw each other again. As I looked in his eyes,
there was something he wanted me to convey but I just ignored it. I met
his friends and his girlfriend. Yes, he’s currently in relationship and
it’s okay. No hard feelings. " class="wp-smiley" />
I find it really odd, I was kinda annoyed at him. I was thinking,
did he intend to hurt me or his girlfriend? His friends, obviously
compared me to Michelle. Seeing their glances from afar, I knew that I
got most of their votes. Honestly? I find it really odd. I swear!
All throughout the night, the song of Gwen Stefani’s song is playing in my mind..
It’s hard to remember how it felt before Now I found the love of my life Passes things, get more comfortable Everything is going right
And after all the obstacles It’s good to see you now with someone else And it’s such a miracle that you and me are still good friends After all that we’ve been through I know we’re cool I know we’re cool
My phone beep again. It’s from him, it said:
“Burn, ok ka lang? Akala ko hindi sasama itong gf ko. Mahal pa din kita!”
I looked at him and turned away. My heart was racing so fast..
Our eyes met and we gazed at each other for like one or two and the memories of the past came into my mind.
He send me another sms and it says, “Sorry po! Pwede ba tayong mag usap? Huwag kang mag entertain ng iba ha.”
I just looked at him again, showing off my evil grins.
{ music } confessions part II { book } storefronts.. storefronts.. storefronts.. { mood } crazy
He looked at me (that odd look) and said, “yah, matanda na ulit ako“.
Almost everybody left the place since they have shift for tomorrow. I
think five of us were left and we’re discussing what’s the next
interinary.
I wanted to move to another bar and watch gig or dance around.. But
then Michelle needs to go home and I was like, okay.. need makisama.
We didn’t go somewhere and decided to leave the place. As we walk
towards our respective destination, Paolo seems to keep on bringing
back the memories we used to have even though Michelle’s at his side. I
just tried to be cool and chat around with his guy friends instead.
When three of us were left, I remember he said..
“Yan si Burn.. mali Nicey pala.. ayaw niya kasi tinatawag sa buo niyang name.. Minahal ko yan. Alam niya lahat lahat tungkol sa akin.”
Before I answered back..
I looked at how will his girlfriend react and I just added, “Hay naku, malalaman mo din yun Michelle later on..”
She just smiled.. (alam kong plastic na smile)
I was like the third wheel sa kanilang dalawa and sa tricycle, tabi
kami while Paolo’s riding at the back. There were long silence between
us. Well, I think it’s normal.. since we’re not close.
Although, I felt how she’s feeling that night. I have been there and
I know how it sucks. Kaya, I didn’t bother to build a rapport while we
are together.
We stopped by sa subdivision nila Pao (actually, I don’t know kung
ano plans nila. basta ako sumasama lang. hehe) they talked for a while
and I was left at the tricycle for I think five minutes.
All of a sudden, I remembered the same exact feeling I used to have.
The feeling of jealousy and so on. I just told myself, I shouldn’t
think about it since it’s already over. Even if it’s like a
dejavu and this one’s for real.. It’s no use for me to reminisce or
think it back again, he’s not coming back anyway. Para akong sinampal
ng bonggang bongga and the transition, grabe kahapon lang yung isa
ngayon siya naman.
When I was about to cry, Paolo was already seated beside me.
{ music } Moving Mountains by Usher { mood } contemplative
I'm still thinking how am I going to write down what had happened next on
the aftermath.
One thing I know is that, it was my wake up call to step up. I had realized
that I should end up my insanity and live my life the way it was before the
changes happened.
It really saddens me but not because of love.
Paolo was right, I knew him inside and out. I had the chance to get involved
not only to him but to his family as well. Even though his mom hated me at
first, we got to get along as time passes by. My parents liked him too because
they have trust over him that he will take care of me when we were in a
relationship.
Even though we used to have big fights, I still keep the good memories I had
with him.
However, on October 4, 2009..
When I decided to have a conversation with him around 2 AM, he changed a
lot. BIG time! He's not the one that I used to love who knows my worth.
Since then, I decided to let go both of them.
I don't want to involve myself again in a complicated relationship. I will
not compromise my happiness and wait in vain anymore.
One of these days, I will be gone and there will be no means of
communication to both of them. They had decided to let me go... and so be it.
{ music } Ordinary People by John Legend { show } my growing plants in Farmville { mood } good
I decided to paste the pixies that I
had printed out last week in my planner. It’s my interest to take
pictures then compile it or make a collage.
Besides, it is another way for me to keep the memories that my mind tends to forget by force.
I locked in my ears with Taylor Swift’s album as I look back at the
events that were involved in the pictures. I wasn’t contented and I
decided to look at my 2008 Planner and read through the pages.
When I hit the first page for the month of December, I was surprised that I wrote the following notes:
12/3/08 5:55 PM PS (PeopleSupport) 4th Floor
Everything falls in their right places right now. There was a
lot of depression that happened this year. I had lost and found new
things that really changed me right now.
I let go of ***** and then I met ******. I got a new LOB at
workplace and I’ll be on training for TSS. My stats are all okay except
for QA (hehe). I’m trying to love my work and get used to the stress
level it gives me everyday. I love my friends’ right now coz they were
there when I needed someone to comfort me.
I got my planner from Starbucks and I’m planning to get something for my mom as well.
Hoping things will be better next year.
“I wish normal people have a heart that vampires do.. Once they fall in love, they never FALL out of love.”
-Twilight
I was like, wow.. I managed to write this kind of cheesy stuff? It
saddens me, yes but I guess this is how it should be. Things will never
be the same as it used to be. I will go on and move forward for I had
decided to erase the things that will remind me of both of them. The
event that happened on October 4 really changed me.
I know that in time, both of them will regret after all what they
had done to me. For now, I know they’re happy with their respective
partners and I don’t care. I maybe alone for now but I’m more than
happy than living a complicated life and compromising my happiness.
When I’m gone, I will never allow any means of communication. After
what had happened, I can’t treat them as it was before… not even as friends.
{ music } Another Used To be by Joe { book } New Moon (pang ilang beses na!)
" class="wp-smiley" />
