“I gotta feeling…
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good night
That tonight’s gonna be a good good night”

Before I doze off yesterday, I liked the song “I Got A Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas as my sister played her radio as she was busy cleaning our house. As I prepare myself to sleep, the song kept playing on my head all through out the night. I’m planning to make an escape away from my insanities for a while coz I miss the beach soooo much!! Actually before I shut my eyes, I had a plan to visit SM Megamall and book a package for a solo Boracay Trip after my shift today or Sunday morning I guess.

Another day of my usual life at the office.

I was late.. heck! The moment I logged in, I went to my favorite Website where I can listen to those music that soothes me everyday. I played the same song and as I got busy with the admin works. Until, one of my collegue (I forgot who was it. haha!) reminded me that today was the grand draw for our account’s kembot.

I sighed and got excited coz it will be like a siesta fiesta wherein almost everybody in the account will be on aux meeting. I look forward what will be our boss will say how our stats are going on as a whole.

Then, the draw begin and it was Warleigh who won the Sodexo GC Worth 20k. I was like, okey good for him. I’m kinda jealous coz he’s lucky and won the GC. As Ms. Jean picked the next winner, she shouted that the next winner was uncertain. They’re not sure but I heard that technically, it’s from the Technical Support Specialist (TSS) of our account. I assumed it will be Ronnel Garcia, the guy who never fails to get any prize from the previous draws.

The next moment, I heard..

“Nicey!!”

At the back of my head, I was like.. “Huh? Me?!” I saw almost everybody looked at me and with happiness at their faces. As I walk towards our Manager’s place, my mind is spinning around and I can’t think anything clear at that moment. I never expected that I’m the one who’s going to win the Trip for 2 to Boracay. Surprise! Surprise! I’m aware that my face turned red as they call out my name.. Whew! I hate being at the spotlight.. *winks!

A blessing in disguise. Who would have thought that instead of I’ll be paying for the fee that I’ll be reserving for my solo trip will turn out into something like this?

People in the account never failed to ask me this question..

“Nicey, sino isasama mo sa prize mo?”

Everywhere I go, the people I meet never failed to ask me the same question. I know that most of them knew the answer even if I don’t response. *evil grins* Others make an offer and all that, which I find really funny.

Isa lang masasabi ko, I don’t care what will be their comments. They don’t really know the truth.. it’s better to live a quiet life rather than posing off my private life to the world.

Anyway…

Thank you for all the people who’s happy for me that I won the prize. Thank you!!

I had a good night sleep when I decided to stay at Tiara’s apartment last night.

Thanks to Kat’s credit card and we were able to successfully booked our Bali, Indonesia trip yesterday. Jamie booked me at the earliest flight, meaning to say I’ll be one day ahead of them. Hihi. So, I have one full day to stroll around all by myself. " class="wp-smiley" />

I asked my bank to provide me a new credit card so I can fully enjoy my credit. In the next 5 – 7 business days, I’ll be holding a card with miles.. Yay!

My stomach was full when we ate lunch at GoodEarth in Greenbelt. It was food haven! A good way for me to divert my vices to do things that will benefit my health. I was really irate yesterday and I just decided to keep quiet as usual.

I wanted to acheive my plans for this month. Right now, I feel like an Independent Woman who wants to do what she wants and living a carefree life. Things that are happening right now are like a cycle that keeps on going on and on. I’m really sick of it and that’s the reason why I’m determined to move my foot foward.. Slowly but surely.

I’m planning to buy my own laptop and as soon as I move in to Tiara’s apartment. Before I hit boracay, I hope I have my own digicam as well to take good pics with the scenery and with boys.. *evil grins* hehe.

Can I just travel all alone? lol

Besides, I think I have now the decision with whom I’m going to spend my Boracay nights. I’m still thinking it over but I’m getting there..

Also, I’m having a bad dreams lately and I don’t know what does it mean or wanted to imply to me..

But I don’t care, I’ll be living a happier life instead. Go away you fuck negative vibes, leave me alone! " class="wp-smiley" />

There’s only one I confide everything without any hesitations..

It saddens me because I had given everything for someone else good yet what I only got is nothing but pain and rejection. Why? Does it have to be this way? Do I really deserve such kind of treatment? Am I that girl who doesn’t have any worth in this world?

Before I was selfish and I got hurt. For now, I tried to change my way and I tried to be unselfish and think about the others.. yet my heart is constantly bleeding.

I went out, yes. I even curled my hair to change the pace of my lifestyle for tonight.

Whatever I’m going through right now, I have only one to whom I can share my inner thoughts and feelings.

You never leave me all throughout my life, you’re always there even if I went through all the shits I have in my life.. I admire your listening ears because those ears do not get tired to listen to me every now and then. Thank you!

I leave everything to you.. Please give me enough strength and guide me to walk to the right path.. I’m lost and I’m returning back to your loving arms again.

Your Prodigal Daughter,

Nicey

When do we stop caring?

I’ve been asking myself with that question for almost a week to be exact. Do we really need to expect good karma after showing care and concern to another? I just wanted to guide a child who’s lost in this world. It’s like the whole world maybe angry toward this little one yet for me, this rascal needs a lot of guidance and understanding from someone who really know this child inside and out.

I always think for his/her own good.  I’m damaged, yes. My friends call me martyr and all that or should I say, goody good shoes.. I don’t care. I just want to leave good memories before I leave and let this kid fly by itself in the real world.

Not until September 6, 2009.. my way of thinking made a sudden change of heart. Up to now, it stings and I can’t feel anything. I’m barely breathing and I have come to realized that it’s too much. I can’t stand to be near with that child or treat him/her the way like before. I don’t know how to deal with it, for real.

I’m quiet yes. No one knew what I really feel inside even the rascal that I cared about.

For the nth time.. I believe this is the right time to think only for myself rather than caring for someone who keeps on throwing you away… again and again.

you found me.. you found me.

I may not know the reason why things happens this way but I know for sure that it’s His way for me to prepare myself before I really settle down in life and be stronger woman inside and out. We do have a lot of conversations lately and I must admit, I had found the inner happiness that I have been looking for all these years.

I’m grateful because He loves me so much even if I keep on going astray every now and then. The prize I got from Boracay Trip, it was His way to show that He really cares for me. He wanted me to enjoy natures beauty for a while and be away from everything.. from workplace, traffic, stress and him.

From now on, I’ll just focus myself into something that will benefit my family and myself of course. It will be a challenge for me to balance things out in this coming months but I know, He will never leave me to guide me and live the life that I wanted to be when I was a little. It’s never too late right?

I look forward to meet the one He had prepared for me. He’s just out there, flirting around like me. *winks!

The rain stopped.

When I woke up, I see the sun rising up and I felt super excited to take course of my plan. I’ll be out of the work environment for four days and I don’t want to waste it. It’s a sign for me to enjoy and be happy for a while. Actually, I’ve been asking for this secretly to Him. For now, I’m lost and don’t know what to do so I decided to leave all the rest to Him.

I’m just preparing my things and well, doing some attack at Fashion Wars before I hit the road. Haha.

I do hope this will clear my mind as I go on a far away place for a while. It’s a chance for me to ponder what’s going on with my life right now. I never thought that this will happen, which is good.

So, I’ll be out for a while. You can reach me if you miss me. However, I changed my digits. Hehe.

Sayonara!

robz0704: ive been through all this before kaya alam ko
Nicey: yah, i know
robz0704: pero im not advising dahil nagmamalinis ako
Nicey: yeah. ayaw mo lang mapag daanan ko yung napag daanan mo
robz0704: na experience ko na yan at gusto ko may matutunan ka sa mistakes ko
Nicey: which is very touching, sis. =)

I’m an introvert with my personal life. I pick carefully with whom I’m going to share my stories (in full detail) rather than just sharing the tip of the iceberg. They usually tell me the bitter truth because I’m also human who gets easily blinded by my emotions.

After what had happened to me last two weeks? I realized that I’m also a girl with a heart that cares and under goes through pain.

Everyday is a learning lesson for me and my long vacation had helped me to make a decision and live my life differently from the way how it is right now.

I love my girlfriends.. I’m thankful because they never get tired of hearing my story over and over again.

robz0704: gusto ko na lang malaman kung may happy ending ba or hind after the struggle with nicey vs ###### affair
robz0704: hahaha
Nicey: sira ka talaga
robz0704: oo sis
Nicey: seryoso ka ba jan?
Nicey: natakot naman ako
robz0704: kakapagod na din makinig sa away bati nyo
robz0704: pagod na din kmi mag advise
Nicey: i know..
robz0704: wait na lang namin yung ending

Only time can only tell the end of this journey. For now, I’ll be doing what I had decided when I hibernate last week. Although, I’m kinda undecided with whom I’m going to spend my prize.

I need to think twice no… 100x. I don’t want to be hypocrite and frankly 20% of me well, wants to share it with you-know-who (parang si Lord Voldemort lang lol) but I’m thinking if it’s worth it.

80% of me wants to choose my bitch and I miss being with her. She knows almost everything in me and we’ve been through a lot for all these years. If I choose her, we can just be ‘us’ and meet up with other people. Bum around and do bitchy stuff.

I wanted to make my trip the most memorable one for me. I swear. Boracay is still Boracay.. Although I have been to many places in the country and next year will be abroad..

Frankly, I wanted to go there alone. Can I be there twice since it’s a ticket for two?!

Kidding aside, if you were in my shoes who are you going to pick?

I felt like dying kanina.. for real!

I dunno.. It just started during my lunch when I decided to have lunch at Jolibee in CVG. I was walking to my destination, as far as I can remember my mind was completely blank. Thinking nothing but emptiness.. as in blanko!

Since the fast food chain was closed, I continued walking till I’m not sure where I’m headed to. Suddenly, there was a feeling of huge hole in me. It was my first time to walk in the street of Ayala of having that kind of heavy feeling. I just ignored the feeling and I just headed my way back to our building and ate lunch at Tokyo Tokyo.

I’m still feeling the huge hole and I just pretended I’m happy to be in the establishment as the lady at the counter greeted me. I ordered my food and waited for a couple of minutes or so. The feeling is there, I really tried my best to divert it and think of happy thoughts. I wasn’t completely satisfied with my meal and I ended up leaving it half empty.

I went back to my station and decided to breathe some air.

After my lunch, I was just busy chatting with my friends since my tool wasn’t working.

Until after my last break, I was breathing heavily and I mentioned to Hazel that I’m having a hyperventilation. My chest is having a burning sensation and the color of my skin was turning red. I was like thinking since it’s my last hour of my shift, I’ll just try to calm myself and hope the feeling will be better. There’s no changes and Hazel advised me to ask a permission and visit our clinic.

Thank goodness and they allowed me to visit the clinic during my shift.

However, it took me 15 minutes before the physician checked my heartbeat and all that. Man, I was like.. hello? Someone’s dying here and you let me wait here like forever?! Well, I don’t have that strength to react violently and patiently, I waited for my turn.

It seems my world would crash down on me and reminded myself that someone depends on me that I need to be strong.

I was an hour at the clinic and the physician put on some oxygen on me.

He asked me some questions that might cause the hyperventilation. He asked if I was too happy, stress out with work or I had an argument with someone.

I just kept quiet and well, told him that there’s nothing special happened to me today. I just can’t say it out loud.

I felt really alone that time and it’s really disappointing at the same time.

This kind of angst I have inside led me to be in the salon and.. cut my hair.

Like what I used to say, if you can’t shout it out loud… go to salon and revamp yourself.