Entries for July, 2009
I had the weirdest dream ever. I really don't know why I have this comfortable feeling over him yet I only saw him last night in my dreams. Alhough I failed to get his name, his kiss was real. It wasn't hard or erotic, just a simple kiss that really took me away. It's like I had known this guy but in reality he's a completely stranger for me. He made me feel secure and loved for a while. I know the place where he bought me, it was so familiar yet I don't exactly know the place. Weird huh?
Anyway, I woke up from a deep sleep of 12 hours and I decided to surf the net. I got this annoying test but I love the result afterwards.
"You have a message to share and are often involved in the development of ideas and techniques. You love to lead by example, generate discussion and talk about your ideas and observations. You are a mover and shaker and are capable of influencing others. You tend to side with the underdog and feel all forms of discrimination and unfairness keenly. You tend to have a strong and unyielding moral stance. You are known as a free thinker. You erupt in anger often and can be demanding and critical. You have a love of beauty and a charming magnetic personality which often leaves you with lots of admirers, however you do not like a great deal of attention or to be fussed over, you’d rather be left alone. In intimate situations you can be extremely passionate, and prefer romance to sentimentality but like a realistic and frank approach to love and sex. You like your partners to be strong and dignified. Strengths: Enterprising – Fair – Magnetic Weaknesses: Demanding – Critical – Inflexible"
You have a love of beauty and a charming magnetic personality which often leaves you with lots of admirers, however you do not like a great deal of attention or to be fussed over, you’d rather be left alone.
-I hate being in the limelight but unexpectedly, I'm always in it. Weird but so true. This is me. haha.
{ music } Save Me by Remy Zero
{ book } plurks
{ mood } sick
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
The highest courage is to dare to be yourself in the face of adversity. Choosing right over wrong, ethics over convenience & truth over popularity. These are the choices that measure our life. Travel the path of integrity without looking back, for there is never a wrong time to do the right thing.
I realized today that instead of sulking ourselves in all that negativity in life, why not try to just sit back, relax and do the right things? Whatever we are doing today will become a memory of our lives. I wanted all things be a good memory in my head although there will always be a mixture of tears to spice it up. I'm not getting any younger and I have to act with grace and pride.
Oh well, I'm trying to quit my vices. I don't know why I get tired of lighting up a stick or heading to a bar to order a couple of drinks. Change. Yeah.
{ music } Killing me softly by The Fugees | I'll be missing you by Puff Daddy & Faith Evans
{ book } plurks and twitter replies
{ mood } sick
Posted by kidbaliw under moving forward
Sweet. Breathless. Dangerous.
I never planned nor intended things to happen this way.. I decided to hide and stay away yet I guess life can be bitchy that it leads me into something that makes me off guard. Whatever happened just recently was the exact thing that I used to hoped for. It may seem right but honestly, I can't decipher if it's real or not.
My head is always filled in with paranoia and I doubt everything. I don't trust him and myself either. This pain is like a bomb that I was the only one who felt the intensity.
Life will be easier for both of us if we only realize to do what is right. I wanted to just cry it out loud but my eyes can't shed a tear no more. Just getting use to this kind of feeling because I feel numb and empty inside.
Why does it have to be this complicated?
{ music } Midnight Bottle by Colbie Caillat
{ mood } empty
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
I felt relieved when I finally spilled the beans.
During those times, I felt really scared and alone for I don't know how am I going to deal with it. Many nights I was restless and I really can't concentrate on my work.
I tried to reach out to him but my pride and paranoia win over me. Depression kicks in and I focused myself with household chores. Inevitably it happened.
I cried a lot.
Until now, when I think of it really gets me teary eyed. Seeing how he reacted yesterday, it really torn me apart. I know he wanted to breakdown yet he just showed up his poker face to pacify me.
Well he can't hide his true feelings over me. I guess I do know him inside and out than most people do. I wish I could stay longer just to be next to him and comfort him. For once, I'm sure that whatever happened also broke his heart as I did.
Maybe it was not the right time and I guess when things are in the right places, maybe.. just maybe.
{ music } Breathing - Lifehouse
{ book } New Moon | Harry Potter Book 2
{ mood } nostalgic
Posted by kidbaliw under real world
I just want you to tell me why we're doing this.
It's just so difficult for me because I really don't know where I stand in your life. Our life will be easier if we stop denying and hurting each other. Right?
{ music } Never Say Never by The Fray
{ book } plurks
{ mood } gloomy
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding
There's a danger in loving somebody too much and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
They say loving someone should be pure and unconditional. I've been battling this warfare for long. Honestly, it's pretty tiring.
I've been waiting for a guy to come my way, someone who can shine some light on my way. Someone who can understand me. Who's not afraid to laugh or cry and share everything with me. Someone who will hold my hand, give me a kiss and make me feel complete(b'cos im longing for it). Someone who will show to me how PURE and TRUE love is..
Someone who will love me UNCONDITIONALLY. Who will overlook the faults in me(b'cos in HIS eyes i do no wrong). Someone who will stay with me for all time and ETERNITY. Someone i can call MINE...
Yet, why on my case loving someone is so difficult to deal with? I just want him to be honest with me and..
{ music } Do you know what it feels like | Enrique Iglesias
{ book } Kapitan Sino
{ mood } sick
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling, broken inside.. bleeding
How do you trust someone who keeps on breaking it? Isn't it foolishness to believe again and again? How many times should we forgive a person? Do they deserve chances?
As time passes by, I'm learning to realize that love isn't about blissful moments, sweet nothings and all that. Sad to say, I tried to forgive yet it always breaks my heart. I will put an end to all this bulshit.. later.
{ music } Crazy by Aerosmith | Torn by Natalie Imbruglia | Top
{ mood } pensive
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding
Trying to turn around on a one way street
I can’t give you what you want
And it’s killing me and I, I’m starting to see
Maybe we’re not meant to be
I’ve been a fool all this time. I keep on forgiving and never hesitate to give gazillion chances. Why does it have to be this hard? If you can’t make a decision, then let go of me!
I just want to end it all. NO turning back. This is too much for me to consume.
I’m not a God damn toy!
{ music } Not Meant To Be | Theory Of A Deadman
{ mood } disappointed
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding
nilalaman sa utak ng isang baliw
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