Entries for March, 2009
Meet my cuz, Dianne "Dhee". =) It was Jan. 4, 2009 when we had a drinking session and it started around 7 am till 2 pm. We talked about anything under the sun (kaya nga when she knew almost everything about my life, yun d niya kinaya.. hehe) and she gave me uplifting advices. She's currently residing at Canada and Facebook is our way to communicate and share pictures. =)
I was touched when I read her testimonial sa friendster ko. I'm happy to have her as my cousin. Soon we'll have more time for bar hopping and drinking session. *winks!
I look forward to see her again and witness her wedding this year. =)
{ music } Better in time by Leona Lewis (forever playing mode)
{ book } Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
{ mood } sick
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
Hai. Itong si ate spoofed.. pasaway! D ko naman nabasa name ko when I read her blog sabay ni tagged ako?!
Oh well. Actually guys I'm not really kikay in all that pero since I was tagged.. Eto let me share kung ano laman ng aking bag.. take note! bag hindi kikay pouch.. *winks!
*Disclaimer*
Hindi ko ugaling mag dala ng super biggie na bag.. as in madalas kina pouch na (tama ba spelling?!) ang bag ko sa office. Malaki lang bag ko kung for example I'll be sleeping somewhere at 3 days or more akong d uuwi.. Pero!!! Let me also spill out nung nag punta kami sa Ilocos at nag Baguio kami? Ang bitbit ko'y isang super liit na bag. As in! Tawag nga nila sa akin was "Ms. Light Packing".. As in wala akong bitbit na gamit and all that at nakapadpad ako sa North without using a biggie bag. Har! Har! Funny memorable moments when I was under the DR of Jinggay.
Btw, here are my stuff inside my bag:
1. Dudung - Since I'm a bookworm at soxal na ako (may ganun?!) lagi kong bitbit ang aking PSP slim to read.. read.. read! Thanks to arlan who downloaded the e-books for me! :D
2. Face Powder - Dahil nuknukan sa pagka oilyness ang face ko, it's a must for me to have one. :D
3. Capture - My scent since highschool ako. Well I love this scent at trademark kong pabango itey.. hihihi.
4. Lip Gloss - Pampalandi ng aking lippies! :D
5. Brush - para sa aking straight long locks..
6. Wide teeth comb - ginagamit ko pag basa pa hair ko. Sabi nila it helps to prevent split ends.. =)
7. Mp3 Player - Well music lover ako, since uwian ako i need it to unwind my troubled mind. Saka pag emote emote, siya lang nakakasama ko sa hirap at ginhawa.. har! har!
8. Keys - Malihim akong tao so i have a lot of keys to keep my keepsakes churvaness! =)
9. Lipstick - shiny shimmery effect. =)
10. Eye Liner - It should be black.. la lang! XD
11. Blush on - Pag kinailangan lumandi.. un lang. :D
That's all pansit! =) I find my things so usual. I'm not that pa girly girly and all that pero nagbabalak na ako. I was kinda boyish kasi way back in highschool. un.
{ music } Nasaan ka na? by Nyoy Volante
{ book } Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
{ mood } naughty
Posted by kidbaliw under tagtagan!
A sudden fanfare trilled through the soaring music. I recognized my cue.
“Don’t let me fall, Dad,” I whispered. Charlie pulled my hand through his arm
and then grasped it tightly.
One step at a time, I told myself as we began to descend to the slow tempo of the
march. I didn’t lift my eyes until my feet were safely on the flat ground, though I
could hear the murmurs and rustling of the audience as I came into view. Blood
flooded my cheeks at the sound; of course I could be counted on to be the
blushing bride.
As soon as my feet were past the treacherous stairs, I was looking for him. For a
brief second, I was distracted by the profusion of white blossoms that hung in
garlands from everything in the room that wasn’t alive, dripping with long lines
of white gossamer ribbons. But I tore my eyes from the bowery canopy and
searched across the rows of satin-draped chairs—blushing more deeply as I took
in the crowd of faces all focused on me—until I found him at last, standing before
an arch overflowing with more flowers, more gossamer.
I was barely conscious that Carlisle stood by his side, and Angela’s father behind
them both. I didn’t see my mother where she must have been sitting in the front
row, or my new family, or any of the guests—they would have to wait till later.
All I really saw was Edward’s face; it filled my vision and overwhelmed my mind.
His eyes were a buttery, burning gold; his perfect face was almost severe with the
depth of his emotion. And then, as he met my awed gaze, he broke into a
breathtaking smile of exultation.
Suddenly, it was only the pressure of Charlie’s hand on mine that kept me from
sprinting headlong down the aisle.
The march was too slow as I struggled to pace my steps to its rhythm. Mercifully,
the aisle was very short. And then, at last, at last, I was there. Edward held out his
hand. Charlie took my hand and, in a symbol as old as the world, placed it in
Edward’s. I touched the cool miracle of his skin, and I was home.
**************************************************************************************
I was busy with my dudung as I read the Breaking Dawn of Stephenie Meyer yesterday. The way how she detailed the matrimonial ceremony of Bella & Edward gave me a sudden sting in my heart.
Why?
Because as far as I can remember, I used to anticipate mine as well. I believe every girl in this planet wishes that.. right? Believe it or not, I was trying to live their 'righteous' way, I was hell different. I remember I had a dream when I was a Freshman in highschool and it really freaks me out. My parents brought me up in a fairy tale thingy in believing those 'stuff'.
However, things change when I got into college. It saddens me because I used to believe but right now? I don't want to get myself be involve in such things. My life had a major change of heart and I don't want to look back how I was before.
Maybe it will change.. Maybe not.
{ music } Oxygen | Bubbly by Colbie Callait
{ book } Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
{ mood } gloomy
Posted by kidbaliw under real world
"You are running away".
Oh hell yes I am. Leaving will help me forget about you. The memories we used to share keeps on lingering inside my head. Seeing you everyday is like a knife that keeps on stabbing my broken heart. The things you do, those subtle things, makes my wound bleed for more. It may sound immature but this is the only way for me to get out of your circle. Because I do not belong there anymore, why should I stay?
I will make myself busy. I will study even if it is against my father's will. I want escape and get a new life. This coming months will be harder for me to live the life I used to have but I know I will be happy to see the end of the rainbow after this storm.
Entering a different world, another adjustment for me.
I really don't want to leave but I should.
Sorry if I got too emotional last night. I'm just enjoying the remaining days because things will never be the same.
It will never be.
{ music } Listen by Beyonce Knowles
{ book } Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
{ mood } lonely
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
My mind's in real warfare right now.
I wanted to savor the remaining days being in a morning shit.. I mean shift. Whenever I looked around and see the people I had worked with, remembering their facades in my mind. I'm sure going to miss them!
"Avoiding something doesn't mean that you hate it. It could also mean that you want it so bad but you know that it isn't right".
I never told you to pick that shift, he said. Things are getting too intense and it's freakin' too hot to handle. I don't want to leave the life I used to live but there are instances that we need to get out of that comfort zone. The zone is no longer a comfort for me because the place is full of thorns and it's not healthy to stay. I feel so helpless even though there are a lot of people who cares for me and loving me dearly.
It's kinda scary because it will be another adjustment for my stats, rules and living the graveyard shift. Will I get VOC's? Can I handle difficult customers? I assume there will be a lot volume of calls but I think it's the same with morning shit.. I mean shift. At least I get to earn a lot of money!
Thinking about his favor is kinda difficult for me. I remembered Sup Ron's last words for me when we had a drinking spree in Carafe. I wanted to but I'm thinking of how I will be after the favor is done. I'm pretty sure I'll be a crybaby again in front of my friends and they'll get tired of comforting me. I'm angry at myself yet I pitied her at the same time. A lot of considerations I need to think about but nonetheless, I should think of myself first. Right?
Time ticks so fast and as much as possible, I wanted to have good memories with them that will stay in my mind before I hit the other part of the world.
But not on our case.
The happiness will fill out my empty life right now but it's not for keeps. I mean why should I risk myself again knowing that I will lose it in the end?
I do know where I stand to his life right now. I don't have the intention to ruin it.
He let me go that's why I'm leaving.
Though here I am, undecided.
{ music } Ice Box by Omarion
{ mood } confused
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding
I hate to think that yesterday was my last day here in morning shift. My eyes just wandering around the workplace. Just reminiscing the memories I had during my stay as a morning agent for the past one year.
From Jinggay Juicers to Nacho Bonitos then Mighty Mckoys, I was transferred to April and lastly I was part of Ferdelicious. A one heck of a roller coaster ride I guess. Remembering the moment I cried because cheska_fayatola resigned followed by hanna_banana. Then we went to Music 21 to bid farewell to hanna. I remember going to tanay, partying after shift with my friends, team meeting at Chiggy's, drinking spree with QA and Sup after shift, visiting hanna in Quezon, meeting while doing HTML for tabulas, etc.
I expect more volume of calls and difficult customers.
A bit scary because I don't know how I will adjust myself. Will I be able to be at ease with another set of people that I'll work with?
I wanted to back out and just stay but I think I made the right decision. I just think that my shift is the same but 12 hours difference. The moon will be my sunshine as I travel to work and I will hate the sun even more.
Maybe in time after this wound is healed completely, I can be as casual as you want. I can't keep up with what I feel right now. I just wanted a new environment to help myself forget you and accept things that you're not coming back and you're happier right now.
I will certainly wait for that day wherein I can treat you and be friendly to you as if nothing happened.
You know how I feel, right? I just wanted to be an astronaut right now.
{ music } Umuwi ka na baby by Orange and Lemons
{ mood } sad
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
Today is the last day of my normal life. Tomorrow will be way too different.. as in! I'm still anxious of my new schedule for tomorrow. I'll just pamper myself before I go to work. Naman. I deserve it!
This is it! No turning back.
Anyway birthday ngayon ng daddy ko so we dined out jan lang sa tabi tabi. Let me share our pics:
{ music } Walking away by Craig David
{ mood } anxious
Posted by kidbaliw under real world
Last night was my first day in graveyard shift. It was kinda odd because it's like my usual shift in the morning however, it's dark. I'm not seeing the sun above the sky. There was no traffic, no hassle. Weird.
Well the moment I entered the office, I feel like I'm in a different place. So many faces that's not familiar to me.
What's even funny was my break schedules, they're almost the same with my previous shift. So I won't be confuse with my breaks and lunch time. 
All night I was processing storefront emails. Well at least I'm busy. I got 4 calls on my shift. 1 sale and 1 long call. Hoo. What a day to start!
I think I'm going to love my shift (for now) yet I still anticipate the volume of calls during weekends. This is graveyard.. more calls means more money!
After shift, I'm going home alone. Well I guess I'll better get used to it coz this is my new life. Single and free.
A shot after my shift. See the sun? It's kinda rainy on my home. Now I'm pretty sleepy. Mornyt guys!
{ music } Love Story by Taylor Swift
{ mood } sleepy
Posted by kidbaliw under moving forward
Until now, hindi ako maka move on sa nakita ko kanina courtesy of Lenie. Langya. I can't help but smile.. Si Sherwin pa nga akala nababaliw nanaman ako.
I'm sorry if I can't disclose it here kasi exclusively sa aming mata yun. Jamie laughed as well when he saw it. Si Chet talagang kinulit ako na tignan ko nga daw. Wala lang. Matutuwa daw ako.
Un nga, after my lunch (which is 4am) until now, tawa pa din ako ng tawa. *evil laughs*
Well I never thought na makakasundo ko sila. I mean now I'm enjoying my graveyard shift.. Promise! Though xempre andun mga managers and all that.. nagsama sama kasi mga maiingay saka pasaway sa line namin. Well at least diba nadidivert yung utak ko.
In compare sa morning, sa weekdays lesser calls. Like there were times na 4 or 1 lang call ko sa buong shift. Though I'm doing processing pero keri na din. Kesa naman calls no! Nakakaloka!
However, I'm kinda anticipating yung weekends shift ko. I'm pretty sure it will going to be one colorful shift.. Kesa naman sa morning na 5 days straight may cue, gy has 2 days.. may pera pa. Oh diba?!
I'm still in the adjustement period. Sana lang I won't contribute sa code red ngayon. Sana lang.. Super scary na kasi.
Mejo magulo talaga utak ko pero because of stress sa work at least hindi na ako ganun ka depress. I mean I'll just help myself and I know malalampasan ko din to. Baby steps.
Yun lang hindi ako nagsasawang pakinggan si Papa David Cook. Buong shift ko na yan pinapakinggan. Hanggang pag uwi.. Matinding LSS ito.
Sleep muna ako! Maya nalang yung matinong blog!
{ music } Come Back to me by David Cook
{ mood } sleepy
Posted by kidbaliw under moving forward
"Maybe I'll come back"
Well I don't know. Because reading this line there's a word "maybe". When I received it, I just shrugged and yeah.. one of the options.
It did crush me so hard last night. Again, I smiled even though my heart is totally wrecked. How do we forget someone when they made us believed that they'll never leave you?
I made a decision last night.
I left because I know it's the right thing to do. I'm just being unselfish because I know it will make you guys happy. I don't want to wreck a happy being together again relationship. Truth does hurt but I need to accept it. She's the girl you chose, right? The girl who swept your heart and will love you more than I did. However, if you said can't let me go then why you threw me away?
Our memories haunts me so bad everyday and never fails to give me pain. I keep on telling you about my feelings but I guess..
Can you teach me what you did to forget me or leave the memories behind so easily?
I just don't know how to forget you.
{ music } come back to me by david cook | i remember by gabe bondoc
{ mood } rejected
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling, broken inside.. bleeding
I know that I did my best to give the First Call Resolution and what do I got? A feedback from a customer who blamed me for a mistake which I never did?! I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs to that stupid, very irresponsible person who processed the request. The notes are pretty clear for me. There were no similar product to the ticket.
An analogy guys..
Black and White
Will you ever consider black as white?
Let's say about the products impacted whatever but hello, aren't we trained to make the necessary research to check and double check the customer's concern before providing a resolution? Checking every detail whatever.. Where's the essence of FCR here if you're not also doing your part? Didn't he/she check before deleting the product? Damn it!
Now what? Reading the feedback from my customer really breaks my heart. I just stared at it and keep on reading multiple times. I feel so irresponsible, stupid and very unproffesional.
I remember that we had a good conversation and I really promised him that everything will be taken care of. I even gave him other information on how to manage his package whatever.. then what?! I get the blame here? That's fucking bulshit!
I know what are things to be considered and I really care for my customers. I admit I can be bitchy but then I realized that I should put my self on their shoes. So that I will know how they are feeling and we can be on the same level while having conversation.
What really hurts me is I know that I did the right process, followed the QP, FCR, hold process, good customer service.. and then they'll tagging me for the wrong process? What the fuck..
I find it really unfair promise.. I 'll accept it if it's really my mistake. I mean everybody commits mistake right? I just hate it when people put the blame on me when I know for myself that I didn't do anything wrong!
I felt really bad for the customer. I mean if they also follow the FCR that they're pushing in our account on their end, this incident will never ever occured. RIGHT?
FYI. To my QA, don't worry I'm not blaming you. I know that you're doing your job. I'm not hiding any grudges on you.. Promise!
{ music } In the ayer
{ mood } angry
Posted by kidbaliw under workikay
I've never been in this kind of shit in my life. I mean shit happens right? I wanted to quit and give up because it's really really stressing me out. I can't see anything good comes my way these days.
After what had happened last January, here comes the another challenge for me.. my work.
I'm trying my best to rise above the rest.. to step up and prove them that I can do better.
I know I'm doing my best here but why does the numbers don't show it?
These are the days when I need an inspirational words from Ron. Hai. I saddens me that I do not see his smile or how he will ask me how was my day at work. 
I need someone who will take me away from this shit. Though I know that I can only depend to myself, however, I want someone who will shed a light and help me organize my life.
Everywhere I look, I seem can't find my way out. I'm lost and very stressed out.
I just wish in a blink of an eye, I won't feel anything. Just for once.
I'm sick and tired of it!
{ music } Take me away by Lifehouse | Lovestory by Taylor Swift | Thinking of you by Katy Perry
{ mood } stressed
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding, workikay
Sleeping is my sweet escape from everything I wanted to run away. I had a 12 hours of sleep last night. However, what really pissed me off is when two people which I don't want to see, talk , think or even care about invaded my dream last night.
I don't remember what was the detailed story but it's like someone from our account informed me that they will be transferred to another department for promotion. Well as usual, I felt uneasy and very irritated like the hell I care?! Why do I have to know about that? What's the fuss all about?
I know they don't intend to do that for me but here I go again, having this feeling of jealousy and all that.. Yeah, I know I don't have any right or what so ever.
It's weird because I still worry about my work in my dreams.
I'm trying to forget everything! Yet my subconscious don't let me do it. Go away!
Crap.
{ music } T-shirt by Shontelle
{ mood } irritated
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding
"Nicey, can you render an OT?"
"Uhm.."
"How about OTBS?"
"That's BS!! Uh.. Let me correct myself.. It's BEFORE SHIFT" lol
Well a candid moment with our TM Mitch during my shift. She was asking everyone if we can render OT during weekends due to maximum (yeah maximum? haha) volume of calls. I never intend to offend her or something, I don't know.. It just came out of my crazy mind. Har! Har!
I must say I had fun during my shift last night. Haha. Shewa even dared me to dance the "3 in 1 + 1 Dance Commercial" and almost everybody from the TSS asked me literally to dance!! I don't do such kind of dare especially at workplace. Shewa will treat Hilbayagers for a half galon supreme ice cream of any of our wish.. IF I DANCE FOR 20 SECONDS. I was like.. NO WAY!!!
After shift, three of us, Joyce, Shewa and me went to Salcedo Village and visited Shewa's Happy Place. Food.. Food.. Foods are almost everywhere!!!
Though, every time I look at some dishes like Japanese foods, Shawarma, Crepes, Lasagna and Pizza.. Honestly? Hmmm.. It reminds me of the foods we usually eat together.
Makes me sad at the end of the happiness I had at work.
Why everywhere I look or run away, there are things that unintentionally remind me of our past? Why everytime I exert all my effort to forget everything, I fail? I keep trying to win over the warfare that I'm in right now.
Anyways, let me share some of the delicious foods that really made me full. Enjoy!
{ music } T-Shirt by Shontelle | Thinking of you by Katy Perry
{ mood } sleepy
Posted by kidbaliw under broken inside.. bleeding, workikay
"gotta be strong gotta be strong but I'm, really hurting now that you're gone.
I thought maybe I'd do some shopping, but I didn't get past the door
and, now I don't know now I don't know if I'm, ever really gonna let
you go and I, couldnt even leave my appartment.
I'm stripped down torn up about it."
T-Shirt by Shontelle
Seeing this place after shift well kinda gave me a small pinch in my heart. I was out with Jhigz as we stayed at Starbucks after shift. I was thinking like it's a dejavu but a big difference with time. It was past 5 AM I think when jhigz got himself a frap and hot white mocha for me.
Time pass too quickly. After 2 weeks, it happened. Well it's inevitable. I mean even if I try my very best to hide and run away, no use.
Before going to my station, I was like thinking how am I going to be the moment I get there. My mind and heart was battling so hard and I wanted some peace and serenity yet I can't find it. I felt nervous and anxious at the same time but when I got there? I don't feel anything.
I feel at ease and very perky the when I saw Rose after her long week leave.
I'll just continue to focus my attention at work. Besides, I have my own life before he came. I just have to live how it was to be.
All became a distinct memory of a past.
Honestly, I do miss him. I wanted to reply whenever he sends me sms but I'll just reply my thoughts in the wind. It will only get worsen if I don't stop myself. He's happy and I'm free.
Now I know how it feels to be left behind by the one we love.
The experience was way too painful and a beautiful thing for me at the same time. I learned a lot. Letting go wasn't easy for me but I have to accept that things doesn't always go my way. We need to set them free even if we are not part of their happiness. We should grow up and be mature. Accept our defeats. Learn the essence of being hurt. Move on.
I do miss him but I know this is how our story goes. From strangers.. to drinking buddies.. to friends.. then lovers and then back practically to strangers 'again'.
How ironic.
{ music } Goodbye my lover.. Goodbye my friend by James Blunt
{ book } Harry Potter
{ mood } sad
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling, broken inside.. bleeding
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