Entries for November, 2008

{ music } flo rida's playlist | Lamukot's Webbie
{ book } Harry Potter (pa din!)
{ show } nodame cantabile season 9
{ mood } okay

Posted by kidbaliw under tagtagan!

7 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Dito ako ngayon sa office.. papaka adik mode. Well I'm rendering an OTRD today. Sayang naman kasi.. Para by December madaming moolah si watashi at may pang shopping.. Woohoo! Tutal kesa naman nasa bahay ako at nanonood ng mga series.. Dito nalang ako! Haha! Madami pa naman time para manood ng series..  Little sacrifice comes a long way diba? Wala naman tawag at para lang ako naka tambay sa computer shop.

**I saw something and it really pissed me off. Don't try to fool me.

"I don't get mad.. I get even." - nicey

{ music } David Archuleta's Crush
{ book } Harry Potter Book 1
{ show } Nodame Cantabile
{ mood } productive

Posted by kidbaliw under reel world

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Im confuse.

What will I do? If I speak up, it can hurt like a knife. Keeping it will make it more worst. **Sana hindi ko nalang xa nakita. Damn it!

{ music } guardian angel by red jumpsuit apparatus
{ mood } angry

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

{ music } vindicated by dashboard confessional
{ mood } irate

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

First part pa lang ng movie.. action na! Astig men! Yung place sa Italy looks like a map sa burnout, naaliw lang ako.

I'll be looking forward for this movie next year in May 2009.. I enjoyed reading the book sana naman buo siya sa screen unlike with D Vinci Code before.. One of my favorite author ay si Dan Brown.. Woohoo!

This is what I do whenever I'm depressed.. It helps me to clear out my mind.. Some kinda therapy for me.. Ayos lang. Kaya alam ninyo na kung san ako hahanapin pag depress si Watashi ha? hehe.

{ music } Gotta be somebody by Nickleback
{ mood } sleepy

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

 

 

 

 

"Let's go to Europe together.

If you reject me again, I will never forgive you."

-Chiaki Shinichi to Noda Megumi (Goodbye Nodame!! A tearful Christmas performance, Episode 11)

This lines really made me cry.. Waaaah!! I love the setting so much.. Super aliw xa. I never expected na madadala ako sa scene when Chiaki hugged Nodame sa episode 11. Syet. Ang ganda!! Kakakilig.. Promise! Ayan tapos ko na panoorin ang series ng nodame. Ahihihi.

 Sino ba naman hindi mahihilig manood ng nodame kung ganito kagwapo ang guy..

 Im a frustrated pianist kasi e.. hehe. Oh well.. I look forward namapanood yung special episodes ng Nodame Cantabile. Sigurado mas madaming kilig moments dun.

Actually noong una ayaw ko siya simulan kasi nakita ko si Darwin nanonood nito. Pero he insisted me to watch it at maganda daw. Hmm.. Hindi naman ako nabigo at napaka anime ng series na ito. Love it!!

{ music } Decode by Paramore
{ show } Nodame Cantabile | Big Stan
{ mood } bouncy

Posted by kidbaliw under reel world

kOmEntO

"An angry woman is vindictive beyond measure, and hesitates at nothing in her bitterness."

-Jean-Antoine Petit-Senn

Is this what you want? Go ahead.. Suit yourself!

{ music } Decode by Paramore
{ mood } angry

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

kOmEntO

Here are the rules:

- Each blogger must post these rules.

- Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.

- Bloggers that are tagged, need to write ten facts about themselves.

- You need to choose ten people to tag and write their names.

- Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and also to read your blog.

Here we are....

1. When I do household chores, kailangan may music. Maarte ako.. I can't work productively pag walang background music.

2. Tahimik ako.. (kabaligtaran ba?) hehe. I'm having a hard time to shout out my anger to the world. Madalas I bottle it up kaya ayun resulta? Highblood.. Wahahaha!

3. Hindi ako kikay na nilalang. Super liit nga ng bag ko pagpasok. I even wonder kung bakit may mga girls na kung gumala ang lalaki ng bag na tipong akala mo lumayas sila sa bahay nila. Wahahaha!

4. When I eat normal na sa akin ang  2 - 3 cups of rice. Ang payat payat ko pero pag kumain ako parang construction worker lang.

5. I hate it when people will try to control my life. Ano ba, may utak naman ako. They don't have to tell what I should and shouldn't do. Pag ginagawa nila yun, lalo ko pa sila inaasar.

6. Gusto ko I always smell good. Whenever I shop, hindi nawawala ang either perfume or cologne sa listahan ko 

7. I hate going to church.

8. When Im depress in life ang mga ginagawa ko to destress are the following:

-Tirahin ang buhok.. yah.. galit ako sa mundo at hirap akoilabas siya hindi ba? Idaan nalang sa buhok! Kaya kung may kakaibang hindi normal sa buhok ko.. something's wrong with me.

-I go to moviehouses.. alone. Dun pwede ako mag emote emote.. haha!

-I eat chocolates or cold drinks or frap will do para malimig sa pakiramdam.

-sinisira ko kung ano makita ko sa room ko that remind me of that person who was the reason why I'm depress. Kaya karamihan sa bigay sa akin ng mga ex ko, ayun it's either sunog na or na massacre ko na sila.. (kawawang mga stuff toys.. )

-I smoke and drink.. Pag may problema ako napapadami ang tira ko sa yosi.

-lumalayas ako ng walang pasabi sabi. I also turn off my cellphone para walang istorbo sa ginagawa ko. Wala akong care kung mag alala sila sa  akin.. the hell.

9. Whenever I give feedbacks or parang comment, well I use sweet words.. like I'll speak super nice to you pero masasaktan ka sa mga sinasabi ko.

10. Madalas ko isulat mga nasa utak ko. Kaya  nga I'm a blogger. Haha!

Im tagging:

dnomyar17, keeper, mandatory, ryohie, tequilachik, deadcell, haleyradcliffe, strippedfighter, zinnia, warleigh, zabs, blue001, cheska_fayatola, bastardo, mwot, ryxrose, charmaine_bishop & santa_claus

{ music } chris brown's playlist
{ mood } bored

Posted by kidbaliw under tagtagan!

10 viOLent rEaCTiOns

On my way home while sipping my frap which I bought kanina sa Starbucks, bigla kong naalala sila.. Biglang pumasok sa utak ko na, ganun lang ba talaga ako? Do I deserve to be treated like that?

Let me share you some of the highlights sa mga nangyari:

*2005.. 7 eleven (Bayanan, Bacoor)*

ako: I'm sorry...

xa: Hindi ganun kadali yung. Dapat sinabi mo nalang sa akin yun noong tumawag ako hindi yung malalaman ko pa sa iba.

(He looks really angry)

ako: Sorry.. Ano gusto mo gawin ko?

xa: Kalimutan mo na ako.. (looking away from me)

ako: Ano? Tingin mo ganun lang yun kadali yun? Kaya nga ako pumunta dito because I wanted to apologize personally sa'yo.. I'm really sorry to what had happened. Akala ko ba mahal mo ko? Alam mo naman yung nangyari sa akin hindi ba? Bakit mo ako iiwan ngayon ng mag isa? Kailangan kita *oo.. (tawagan namin)

Ayoko na alalahanin yung nangyari nung gabi na yun. Kasi after non, I felt half-dead. As in mukmok talaga ako sa room ko for days.. As in super depress talaga ako at akala ko hindi na ako makaka move on sa hayop na yun. Well sinunod ko naman gusto niya..

*2007.. At my place in Imus, Cavite*

xa: malaman ko lang na sumama ka pag balik mo wala ka nang babalikan dito..

ako: hala bakit naman? kaya nga ako nag papaalam para naman alam mo.

xa: dapat hindi ka nalang nag paalam..

ako: e ano gusto mo? maglihim ako sa'yo? tapos pumunta doon ng hindi mo alam? wala ka bang tiwala sa akin?

xa: sige huwag mo sundin yung sinabi ko, hindi mo na talaga ako makikita..

Ano ba yun. Hanggang ngayon iniisip ko bakit ganun yun? Ang OA niya ha. Pero during that time it was also a sucky moment. Parang kailangan ba talaga may piliin? Can't I have both worlds? I'll be going out with my friends during that time.. Kung siya nga hindi ko pinagbabawalan sa mga lakad niya with his buddies.. Mga vices nia ang all that na kung minsan napapabayaan na niya ako.. Tapos ako ganun?

Pero tapos na yun. Wala lang gusto ko lang ishare yung mga moments na tumatak sa heart ko.

I don't think I have to change just to please anybody. Nakilala mo akong ganito then love me with all my flaws.. Saka kung nasa relationship tayo we should still do the things that we used to do when we were single. We're still 2 different individuals at kailangan mag grow in their own way with the help of each other.

bakit ba ganun? bakit ba kasi may comfort zone? bakit ba may mga taong gusto sila lang tama? hindi ba nila naiisip yung pakiramdam ng kabilang party? Lagi nalang..

I've been feeling this twice na already.. makaka strike 3 na ba ulit ako? Hindi ko ba alam kung bakit parang pain magnet ako.. Nagiging numb na nga ako dahil sa mga nangyari.. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong meron ako at ganun sila sa akin.

Minamahal ko lang naman sila.. Tapos ganito mararamdaman ko? That's unfair.

I'm also a girl na nasasaktan saka may puso din no! Sana they handle me with care naman..

Or wala lang talaga ako para sa kanila kaya parang andali lang sa kanila i let go ako..? Siguro nga kayang kaya nila mawala ako.. sino ba naman ako hindi ba? I'm just one of their options.. may magagawa pa ba ako?

Napaka simple lang naman ng gusto ko.. pero bakit parang ang hirap makuha nun?

{ music } paramore's playlist | Decode |
{ mood } frustrated

Posted by kidbaliw under timeline, what I'm feeling

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

I kinda like your stare.. The stare of regret in your eyes.

I had loved you before so much and  you knew that I can throw away my world just to be with you. We promised to stay together against all odds. You even told me that I was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life.

But I found out that you're playing fire with your bestfriend.. (that bitch!) You thought that I'll never knew it huh?

Seeing you now and hearing you calling my name. I knew you wanted to speak with me.. You even tried to follow me.

I just acted I never knew you. Because you knew we almost made it but we never make it last.

** I just saw my ex bago ako pumasok kanina. I know it was him and he tried to catch my attention. The hurt was done and I will never forget what he had done. It's funny seeing him like that. Hindi ko kasi ugali magrecycle ng basura.. Once lang yun pero hindi ko na siya uulitin. Ang basura ay basura at dapat nang sunugin or ibaon sa lupa.

Message to him:

^*$k.. Sorry pero I can't be with friends with you. Thank you for giving me the most memorable birthday in my life. I just hope na pinagsisisihan mo yung nagawa mo before. Kulang pa yang naramdaman mo kanina. I swear kulang pa yan.

I've been through all kinds of pwedeng complicated na relasyon.. (I think) Kaya siguro ganito ako ngayon.. Yeah right! Boys will be boys.

{ music } cry by rihanna
{ mood } amused

Posted by kidbaliw under timeline, real world

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

I just got home. I wish it was my restday to enjoy the night I had kanina. Hai. Wahahaha! Kakabitin!

Buti nga may naghatid sa akin.. Talamat po! hehe. Paxenxa naman at cinderella ako umuwi.. Well maxado ata napadami ang inom ko.. I had met new friends there at it was really a blast! In fairness, I miss going to bars.. Ahahaha! Hmmm.. What I really need I guess. Hindi ko na nga alam mga sinusulat ko basta nag tatype lang yung mga fingers ko. Gusto ko sana magsulat ng nararamdam ko ngayon pero I think non sense lang at kabaliwan lang maisusulat ko dito. Hmm.. I think better post it as a private one..

Wala. Wala ako masabi e! Sana maka pasok ako sa work on time. Hihi. Yun lang. Tutulog na nga ako! Tangina sakit ng ulo ko! May gali.. Tagal pa ng RD ko!

{ music } I'm a flirt (remix) by R. Kelly feat T.J. & T. Pain | Barrender by T-pain feat Akon
{ mood } high

Posted by kidbaliw under real world

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

"In fact they rarely agreed on anything.They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday but in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."
      -The Notebook (2004)

I'm waiting here for you to realize no one will love you the way I do. You say all the words I want to hear but your actions make me wonder.. How many others hear those same words? I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. Because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm afraid of loving someone. I mean really loving them and those feelings are never returned. That hurts.. a lot. You can keep hurting me, just make sure you dont leave scars.. cause scars remind me that the past is real.

Don't waste your chance while I'm here coz one day if you'll realize something.. I might not be there anymore.

{ music } maybe by up dharma down (forever playing mode)
{ mood } crazy

Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling

6 viOLent rEaCTiOns

"But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…"

So, he left me for another girl. I didn't want to be one of those girls that feel like their life is over. I just thought of it as a new beginning. I'm done making the same mistakes over and over again. I've learned this time, it's over. I can do better, and I will do better. You were meant for me, but I guess, she was meant for you..

{ music } If I were a boy by Beyonce
{ mood } pensive

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

kOmEntO

This pic was taken in Cowboy's Grill in Manila together with my friends. Even if the place was loud, fun and all that, I can feel deep loneliness inside.

There was a guy who even tried to lured me but I ignored his prescence. He's a teeny foreigner (actually my type of american.. I think? hehe.)with brown hair and curly long hair. Like he even made his move and asked the workers there to get my attention and bought me a drink. Well thanks for the drink but i'm not in the mood to flirt around.. I just smiled at him then flipped my hair and continued to be a spectator in the party place.

Before that american guy, I even got an encounter from another guy and he asked for an indecent proposal. Do you think I'm that stupid to sleep with you? I don't care if you stay in a hotel.. I can handle myself and I don't need a damn. Besides I wanted to sleep in my room this days with loud music... DND po!

I really appreciated my friends who were there perking me up everytime I broke down. All of them given me the same advice.. Siguro kung pwede lang nila ako iuntog sa pader para magising lang ako panigurado ginawa na nila.

The first day was a hell for me. I'm still trying to understand and get the positive reason to what had happened. I feel betrayed, broken and defenseless. All I know is within that relationship I played fair and square. It's really hard for me to fall in love easily with a guy. I thought he was sincere (coz kita naman natin dba?), gentleman and he even tried to gain my trust. He saw my best and worst phase of my personality. He was always there as a shoulder to cry on when I need one. He treated me so well that in the process I fell in love with him. Kahit na sumisegway siya even if he was courting me.. still I accepted him and loved him. May naririnig na ako rumors about him pero I still asked him for the truth.. but he always tells me the half truths. Over whelming siya for me sa ngayon kasi lumalabas na yung mga truths na dapat noon ko pa nalaman. Parang hindi ko inexpect na ginagawa niya pala niya yun behind my back.. AND it hurts!! Parang ano ba ginawa ko sa kanya and I was treated like this?

If that was also your intention sana hindi mo nalang binulabog mundo ko. Like if you're not really ready to be in a relationship with me then sana hindi ka nalang nagpakita ng lahat ng sincerity na yan or even asked my friends paano ako aamuhin. Sana hindi mo ako sinanay na lagi ka anjan to protect me from the people who can hurt me but it turn out na ikaw pala yung taong yun na dapat kong iwasan. It's too painful for me to accept the fact na I was an option for you. After 9 months mo akong pinagtiyagaan.. Ano yun? Past time? Galing mo.. Ang galing galing mo.

I feel really depress and I don't have any appetite to eat normally. Lagi nalang ako umiinom or nagyoyosi.. Sabi nga nila pumayat ako lalo..

I just don't know how to get out from the world you had created for me. You don't have to promise me that you'll come back after you realize something kapag hindi nagwork yung sa ano na yan. I'm also a girl.. nasasaktan din ako! You just decided on your on without even asking or even caring how will I feel. Naisip mo lang sarili mong kaligayahan.. at ako? Am I like a doll na since tapos na paglaruan andun na ulit sa cabinet.. itatago mo na ako at paglalaruan pag nabore ka ulit?

 Your love wasn't enough for you to stay in my arms. You didn't really love me.. coz if you do you'll never choose her over me.. right?

**hooo! alas syete na ng umaga.. tutulog galore nanaman ako nito. Buti nalang RD ako..

{ music } It's my life by Bon Jovi
{ mood } depressed

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

19 viOLent rEaCTiOns

"and it's you 
your scent
it's like a drug to me
like my own personal brand of heroin"

-Edward Cullen, Twilight

Falling in love can be really dangerous. It can make you do things out of your sanity ways. There's always a complication to spice things up and put color in the scene. Every girl wishes of her own knight shining armor, someone who can protect them whenever they're in distress. The real world isn't like that because there's no such thing as "happily ever after.." in a relationships. It requires a lot of patience, understanding, real emotions, trust and an open communication to keep things smooth sailing. There's no easy way to keep the love alive. Boredom kicks into the relationship and it ruins any almost-perfect relationships.

Be careful with whom we should give our heart. We don't learn if we don't get hurt from being in love. We will not be strong if we never get angry. Parting ways are really a pain in the ass. Lies and deception will not mold us to become more sensitive and cautious the next time we fall in love.

Sometimes love can be so addictive that in the end it can kill us. It's beautiful at first but in the end? It can be tragic at the same time.

{ music } If I'm not in love with you by Jennylyn Mercado & Janno Gibbs | One hello by Angela Bofill
{ show } Twilight
{ mood } melancholy

Posted by kidbaliw under reel world

9 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Let me tell you what had happened on my way home tonight. There's this guy.. Actually I saw him looking at me bago sumakay ng puj sa baclaran. Nung sumakay ako he followed me and seated beside me.

Normal naman yung byahe pero noong umabot na kami sa Coastal Mall mejo nakaramdam na ako ng kakaiba sa kanya. His style was kunwari nagkakamot xa ng left arm niya but his hands are caressing my right arm pati waist ko. Noong una iniignore ko lang pero mukang nag enjoy si toto (let's call him Toto since muka siyang Toto talaga) sa ginagawa niya.

Umabot na kami sa Talaba and mejo nairita na talaga ako. I told him, "And what do you think you're doing?" nagulat xa. "You're not scratching your arm, bastos ka! Ako huwag mo ako tatarantaduhin! Punyeta ka!" sabi ko in a loud voice.

Yung mga tao talagang nag tinginan sa amin. E gago pala xa akala niya tatahimik ako at hahayaan ko siyang gumawa ng katarantaduhan? NO WAY!

Napahiya siya kasi I was really irate at pinahiya ko siya. Umiiwas na nga ako like I keep on moving every now and then pero mukang talagang pervert itong si Toto.

Pagbaba niya sa SM Bacoor, aba sinisiko pa ako ni Toto. Nainis ako! Sabi ko "Hoy gago, huwag mo nga ako sikuhin! Tarantado to ah!" Sabay tinulak ko siya palabas ng jeep. He didn't look back at siya pa may gana mag ganun? Tangina diba?

But I'm scared in a way kasi baka abangan ako sa Baclaran at resbakan ako.

Paksyet!

{ music } Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
{ mood } annoyed

Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Ever since talaga big issue sa akin ang 'ex' or ika nga nila 'past love'. I get really jealous and very selfish kapag andun ako sa situation na yun. Kasi parang alam mo yun? Wala akong panama doon.. I'm just the present at never ko matatalo kung ano man ang nangyari sa kanila.

I had watched the movie "One True Love" dito sa bahay with my family. I never thought na ex issue pala ang plot ng kwento. All throughout the movie, I can't help but cry. Hell yeah. I'm such a cry baby whenever I watch mga ganung tipo na movie. Nakakaaliw lang kasi parehas yung mga lines ni Dingdong saka how Marian tried to save their relationship. It reminds me of what had happened just recently. Yeah it still hurts. Pero kailangan mag move on and be mature.

Whatever the outcome will be I just followed my heart. Alam ko naman kasi yun ang magpapakasaya sa akin. I just hope they will be happy for me in whatever decision I did.. saka alam ko naman my friends will always be there to lift me up from shit.. whatever happens.

Thank you coz you realized your mistake. I was mad.. yeah. Obvious ba? Masakit kasi yun. Gaya nga sa mga previous post ko, I felt like a doll na kung kelan mo trip paglaruan yun pag sawa na.. andun itatago na xa sa cabinet. Ewan ko ba sa'yo at na rattle ka sa ex mo. Pero I can't blame you coz she used to be a huge part of your life. Yan ang laban na alam ko, wala.. talo na agad si watashi.. It hurts pero ganun yun e!

One sorry can erase everything..

When I love.. minsan lang at madalas hindi ko siya macontrol. However most of the time they take me for granted. Pero I follow whatever things that will make them happy even if my own happiness is at risk, cge go.

See my worth.. coz meron ako nun!

I still can't get over sa movie.. Galing.. Nakarelate si watashi.. har! har!

{ music } We belong by Mariah Carey
{ show } One True Love
{ mood } jealous

Posted by kidbaliw under reel world, what I'm feeling

kOmEntO

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