Entries for May, 2008
Summer is definitely here and today the first day of May. Even if the sun streaks so hot on me I can feel deep inside me it's so cold. I envy those people who can bravely show to the world how they feel.
I know that..
I had done my part and now it's your turn.
Burn for me... That's all I'm asking for you.
{ music } ice box by omarion
{ show } the legend
{ mood } pissed
Posted by kidbaliw under hidden letters
Today is my RD and maya may mamam kami ng mga juicers. Hmm.. Disinfectant galore yun! I remember yesterday tinanong ako ni Sir Kris sa lung center kung okey lang daw ako. Huwag ko daw dibdibin yung calls ko. Hala. It so weird kasi halos lahat sila tinatanong yan question na ito..
"Nicey, are you okey?"
Nakakapagod din sumagot na "yes. I'm fine.. for real"
Pati noong last team meeting namin, halos lahat sila yan ang tanong.. Sa mga ka lunch mate ko din tanong din yan.. Isama mo na sina Hanna at Kat na may bugey sessions kami before my shift. Banat pa si Kat 'You always smile but in your eyes.. your sorrow shows..."
Hai. Im sorry guys if I make you worry.. Siguro too much reserved lang si watashi but she's okey. Ayoko kasi people do worry about me kaya I would rather keep whatever troubles in me. Ako kasi whenever people confide to me their problem I feel for them 10x more.. Kaya ako ayoko ganun ang ifeel nila so yun. I don't let people plunge in the sea of sorrows I'm swimming into right now.. Baka kasi parehas kami malunod.. wag ganun! o.O
Im sorry..
It's me.. Not you. I don't want to go through hell again.. Mahirap kumawala doon.. Hanggang ngayon I still try my best not to be haunted by that ghost.. u don't know me so don't act as if you do. If you can control it, please do. Im not the girl you think I am.. I don't want complications.. I want to live my life the way I wanted it to be.
Im sorry..
{ music } dig by incubus
{ mood } irritated
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
Its my birthday at salamat.. salamat sa mga bumati! My God! Im a year older na.. Noong una bad tripan mode pa but in the end well my day was superb!!! Kainis nga at may cake pang nalalaman tapos kinantahan pa ako! Duh! Ano ako bata? Thanks Tita Cel for your cake, sabi ko yung maliit lang na cake ng Red Ribbon masaya na ako.. OA ka naman at isang buong cake na ang binigay mo! Thanks! :D Sa mom ko na niluto niya favorite kong food though natawa lang ako sa banat niya when I woke up..
"Happy Birthday!" sabi niya tapos I replied "Salamat".. Banat sakin father ko "O Matanda ka na!" then singit Mom ko "Gusto ko na ng apo ha?" sabi ko... "ayos ha! kaya niyo e! kta niyong ayaw ko mag asawa no" sabi ng Dad ko.. "Asus, sinabi ko din yan before.." then he smiled deviously.. bad trip lang.. Pati mga kapatid ko.. Nakow! Sinasabi ko nalang "E di kayo gumawa.. mga hinayupak kayo!"
Im happy kasi gaya nga ng sabi ni Darwin, my wish came true coz it rained. Yippee! Masaya ako actually.. :D
Thank you! Takot ka no? Haha! Para kang highschool.. But thanks for coming! Im so happy.. Mwah! I wish you stayed longer "pa..?" but thanks for the company sa movie marathon! haha! :D
Baby EJ!! Welcome to the world! Sayang hindi kita naging ka birthday.. Haha! See yah later baby!
{ music } Always be my baby (David Cook) & You and Me (Lifehouse)
{ show } Step Up 2 & Golden Compass
{ mood } giggly
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
Gazing in your eyes while listening to your stories makes me ponder..
"Why I can't do the same thing you're doing right now? Why is it so easy for you? What hinders me?"
There are a lot of things you need to know about me. Yet, there is something that stops me.
I know.. Im unfair.. Im too RESERVE for you..
I wish I can just freely say whatever in my mind right now. The question is:
"Will you keep your word?"
{ music } under repair by sandwich
{ show } cars & 88 minutes
{ mood } scared
Posted by kidbaliw under hidden letters
You already asked me thrice!!!
Im just verifying your domain name..
I got hurt and I don't know bigla akong nawalan ng gana tulungan siya. I guess he was aware that he had offended me but hey I'm only human. Ewan ko, I wasn't giggly and nawalan talaga ako ng gana. Paksyet siya no! Try kaya niya maupo sa pwesto ko..
It was a long call, email issue so ayun I just assisted him with a heavy heart.
At the end of the call he was sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me.
Ewan ko sa'yo!
{ mood } annoyed
Posted by kidbaliw under reel world
This is not a good week for me. Maraming shits and wtf moments ang nangyari sa akin.
-una, nawala ang cellphone ko. ang fone ko na inalagaan ko ng one year na muka pa siyang bago ay tinakbo ng punyetang talipandas na tricycle driver na sinakyan ko. *sniff! i was like super blanko that time.. but i managed to keep my real emotions and never affect that shit in my work. Sabi ng customer ko that day, I sound so sweet and very pleasant.. punyeta!
-pangalawa, muntikan na ako malate. dahil sa cellphone ko na yan anong oras na ako nakaalis ng imus. super mega traffic nun! simula sa DFA gang PS Manila.. Ang haba ng traffic.. ayun nilakad ko ang daang Dian to PS.. Holycrap! Stressed out na nga ako sa nangyari before work tapos ganun pa.. syet diba?
-pangatlo, war kami ng mudra ko. She's blaming me for the thing 'she' made previously.. Isa lang masasabi ko.. Mommy, I don't deserve to be treated like this.. That was not my obligation! Pero wala ako magagawa she's still my mom.
-pang apat, ang tataas ng AHT ko this week.. Hai. Paano ko yun mabababa??! Nakakastress!! Ang bobobo nilang lahat.. Wala silang awa sa akin!!
-pang lima, ang tagal tagal ng sweldo.. Hai!!!
-pang anim, aalis na si Kat.. Nalulungkot ako.. T_T Mamimiss kita Kat! Ang bugey sessions... huhu!
-pang pito, akala nila Daddy.. basta. Isa lang masasabi ko.. Dad, tao lang ako!
-pang walo, wala akong benta at mataas na RPO this week.. Hai major dapa sa stats ko.. waaah!
-pang siyam magulo.. magulo.. basta magulo! it's soooo complicated.. bakit ganun yun?
Pero on the brightside of all the shits.. Tomorrow ang get together ng dati kong kateam sa HelloKatie.. I'll have a 3 RDs.. Yipee!
Kat, this is your last day sa PS.. nalulungkot ako super.. Im so thankful kasi you're such a weirdo like me at nagkasundo tayo.. salamat sa pakikinig noong kailangan ko ng adik na makikinig..
Im so lucky to have you as my friend. Gonna miss you girl.. naiiyak na ako.. ^sniff!
{ music } spolarium by imago
{ mood } sad
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
This blog is a happy blog.. Wala lang para maiba lang. :D
While on RD for 3 days.. I was surprised when I saw sa Pinoy Idol yung kabatch ko noong elementary nakasama sa top 24. He had grown into a cute guy at very fashionista din siya huh? Hehe. I believed he had forgotten me na.. naman so long ago na yun! as if no? As far as I can remember kaschool bus ko siya at ibang section siya noong Grade 4 kami. Tamang usap mga ganun.. Then he left abroad with his family. Then ngayon he came back at nakapasa sa top 24.. Aliw. Natuwa lang ako..
I hope galingan niya no. :D
Go! Go! Go! I'll just be you quiet spectator.. *blink! blink!
Tapos sa American Idol naman, my God! David Cook.. you're so.. hai.. yun lang masasabi ko! I hope you win this season!
{ music } domeng's playlist
{ show } heroes 1
{ mood } flirty
Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling
Time ticks so fast.. Hanna and I were having our own countdown.. So sad lang I swear.. Kanina bago ako pumasok, I texted Kat. She just replied and reading that message, simple lang naman siya tapos I was listening to a radio with my new fone (kanta ng evanescence yung music) hala biglang napaluha si watashi. T_T
Sayang wala kami sa paghatid kay Kat mamaya sa airport.. May basbas na nga si Hanna mag call in.. aliw talaga sup namin. haha!
Kaya heto we're just listening to kat's favorite lovesong..
We're missing her na already but we know she will have better life over the fence. 
Hai. It feels so sad talaga I swear! Buti nalang mejo konti ang calls. 
{ music } Love Song by Sara Bareilles
{ book } cheska_fayatola's blog
{ mood } sad
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
A successful relationship requires falling in love many times....
.... with the same person
...*sniff! 
{ music } i don't want to miss a thing by David Cook
{ book } my friend's profile in friendster
{ show } Heroes 1
{ mood } depressed
Posted by kidbaliw under hidden letters
What Matter's Most?
All relationships are put to
the fire. There is no such thing as a
constantly happy couple. There is no
such thing as a constantly happy
relationship. All of us, at one point
in our affairs will have to go through
a cleansing process which, hopefully,
will make us better persons.
Let us always remember that
our relationships are put to the test
to make stronger and better persons
out of us. Second to love, the next
most important ingredient of a
successful relationship is
communication. Many would agree that
there are certain things in a
relationship that are better kept
unsaid. But I don't believe in that.
The moment we lie about our feelings
or the wrong that we have done, we
begin to build a wall of bricks around
ourselves. Every time we hide
something out of fear, we add a brick
to that wall. Soon we will be total
strangers to the very people we vowed
to be with the rest of our lives. We
will start to hurt inside until we can
no longer bear the pain. Until we
regretfully give up the very
relationships that we wanted to keep.
Communication is the lifeblood
of any relationship. If we cannot
bravely express our innermost fears,
doubts, and insecurities to the people
we love then our ties are doomed to
fail sooner or later. I would rather
be hurt by a person who is honest than
be hurt in by someone who betrayed my
trust. Many couples suffer in just
make things worst. They keep their
feelings to themselves until their
affection towards each other
diminishes to the point where
separation becomes inevitable.
Remember, there is no burden
so heavy that it cannot be lightened
by an open, honest and peaceful
exchange of thoughts and feelings.
Fights are inevitable. Oftentimes, we
hurt those we love because we insist
on protecting our own feelings.
Selfishness is a poison that
recklessly kills relationships. It is
only when we set aside our pride,
arrogance and anger that we are able
to deal with raging emotions sensibly
and peacefully. There would be a lot
of times when we would be tempted to
think only of the things that would
make us happy. Most of the time, the
happiness we get from satisfying our
own want is happiness that we deprive
others of. Our joy is their pain and
our rise is their fall. Some
relationships survived one of the most
difficult trials. They owe it to God
who has watched over them all
throughout the most trying times of
their lives. They understood because
they listened to what each of them
were trying to say. They realized what
was going each other badly because
they both became selfish. But the pain
felt was washed away by the fact that
love, among all the feelings that they
shared, still remained the strongest
pillar with which they have built
their relationship upon.
Indeed, beautiful things will
always be built of the foundations of
pain. We are strengthened by adversity
and seasoned by trials in our
relationships. It is not how much pain
we feel that matters. What matters is
that we are able find a space in our
hearts to forgive those who have hurt
us. It is not how hard we have
stumbled that matters. What matters is
that we muster enough courage to stand
on our feet and try again. It doesn't
matter if we have found love and lost
it. What matters more is the joy that
feeling brought us. What matters most
is that we loved at all.
-Got this poem in Female Network.. Tinamaan lang si watashi. hai. (...buntong hininga) yun lang masasabi ko.
{ music } Time of my life by David Cook
{ book } joey's ym
{ show } heroes 1
{ mood } confused
Posted by kidbaliw under liner, real world, what I'm feeling
Fear
-transitive verb
"
{ music } again by Janet Jackson
{ show } Heroes 1
{ mood } happy
Posted by kidbaliw under what I'm feeling
I don't want it to but it comes inevitably.. I don't want to..
Why.. why.. why?
{ music } silence after long hours of cue
{ book } csrt
{ mood } confused
Posted by kidbaliw under real world, what I'm feeling
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