Entries for February, 2008

*Inikot niya ako sa pasay, we took a cab. Dapat pa cubao kami but we headed sa pasay..

*pinagral siya yet he still made an affair with his teacher.

*nagpakasal sila ng hindi iniinform ang mga magulang nila

*baka ikaw ang karma nila..

It felt like binagsakan ako ng dalawang dosenang mundo when I heard that. Parang uu nga no? Napaisip ako noon. Lagi nalang ba ako nag sasuffer sa mistakes ng iba?

Galit na galit ako kay ano tapos siya din ganun? Parang bakit niya ginawa yun? Talagang nag breakdown ako noon when I got home.

Although hindi naman ako 'kasali' sa issue na yun pero i think ako ang nag rereap ng mga shits nila which is ang sakit sakit. Hindi ko alam kung magagalit ba ako sa kanila or what.

Im not a saint. Please don't fall for me.. Will you? Wake up from the insanity you are in. I don't want to see you hurting.

Love had already took me by surprise and I took the second chance life offered me. I don't want to spoil whatever I had right now.

{ music } I never had a dream come true by s club 7
{ show } grey's anatomy season 3 marathon
{ mood } confused

Posted by kidbaliw

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Im freezing inside.. Im so used to the coldness ever since my world made a mighty change. Ayan napapansin nila na ice queen ako.. La tayo magagawa, the things happened in the past led me to be like this.

Daig pa ng north and south pole whatever I'm feeling right now. The problem is I don't know how to escape this. Im not that type of person who knows how to speak up whatever I feel. Maingay ako sa maingay pero when it comes to my own emotions.. hai.

I wish I can manage to move on. Mahirap kasi. Looking back on it.. Well it's still fresh on my mind. Parang kahapon nga lang nangyari yun to think na it's already years.. Why can't it be like a file from your computer na madaling madelete?

Take me away from the coldness he had made.. No 'they' pala. Marami nga pala sila actually.

Im giving myself to you. Please take care of it.

{ music } no me ames by j.lo and mark anthony
{ mood } annoyed

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

Papasok na ako from work when my phone rang.. To my stupidity I cancelled the call. Itetext ko na sana to ask why.. Then another ring on my phone..

*musta ka na? Ano yung text mo kagabi namukaan mo ba?

~hindi e

*ano ba nangyari?

~i was walking pauwi na tapos dumaan ako sa guard house sa sub namin. I saw this group of guys which I just passed them nalang.. Noong nasa may bandang first kanto ako when they shouted.. "Ate pwede makuha number mo".. I just looked at them blankly then turned away and continued walking. Inulit pa nila.. pero hindi ko na sila pinansin..

*tapos?

~maya maya sinusundan na pala nila ako..

*mga ilan sila?

~sa pagkakaalam ko mga 5 - 7 sila. Madami sila.. Pero hindi talaga na talaga ako lumilingon.. they tried to get my attention by asking the same question.. hanggang bridge sila sumusunod

*mga what time nangyari yun? kasi naman anong oras ka ba umuwi?

~after shift ko yun

*hindi mo ba talaga sila namukaan?

~hindi e.. I was really scared na talaga.. tama ba naman kasi na sundan ako diba?

*yari sila sa akin.. babanatan ko sila kasama ko tropa ko. text mo ako pagkaout mo..

~sige I'll text you.

Pero grabe kagabi ha, I was really scared during that time. To think nasa loob na ng premises ng sub namin. I think hindi ko sila katropa kasi kung friends ko sila they will not do that to me. Well yari sila kasi may contact ako sa leader ng tau gamma.. nyenye! hehe.

Recieving this certain level of care makes me feel like I'm a princess.. Smile was the only reaction I had made..

Good thing life gave back what I had lost.

{ music } hero heroine by boys like girls
{ show } coffee prince =)
{ mood } loved

Posted by kidbaliw

3 viOLent rEaCTiOns

I lit up many sticks.. Drank a coffee yet I'm still not okey.

I was so pissed off last night, super stress with my work, my dad, the barangay officials and ...

I can't help but be angry paano ba naman kasi tama bang palakihin yung nangyari sa akin? Na tamang ipaabot hanggang sa barangay. syet. syet talaga! tapos gusto pa nila na I should learn na huwag idala yung feeling of stree with work sa kanila? nakakaimbey sila! talagang super maldita na ako last night.. my dad isa pa yun, kinakampihan pa.. keso ang taas daw ng ere ko keso ako na nga daw yung tinutulungan tapos ganun? letche! tama ba naman kasi itanong, nakilala mo ba yung mga guys who stalked you out.. alam mo sinagot ko? hello? alangan naman kilatisin ko pa yung mga nambabastos sa akin diba? tapos yun mukang nabad trip sa akin yun nagtanong.. sila kaya try nila maupo sa station ko at maexperience yung makarinig ng sandamakmak na issue ng iba.. letche!

Ay grabe! tapos when we were having that argument namamanhid na ako. hindi ko alam why.. or is it normal?

Eto pa sa kakaantay sa kanya kay ... another group of guy invited me to be with them. natakot ako ha.. dami nga nila.. though madaming cute doon.. pero kahit na! it's improper na yayain ako no.. i don't know them.. hindi kasi kami nagkita ni ..., i tried to call his phone out of area so naisip ko baka tulog na siya or what. i think na bad trip din yun sa kin kasi diba may usapan.. matinong usapan. oo na it was my fault pero ano magagawa ko? natakot ako sa nangyari ulit kagabi. hindi ko na nga napanood yung coffee prince, naimbey na ako sa last hour ng shift ko, hindi pa kami nagkita, my dad made a wrong move which of course ako ulit ang napasama.. as ever!

I know my dad is trying to protect me pero para saan pa? he wasn't there when it happened to me. he wasn't ther to protect me.. the least people diba? yet he wasn't there which is i understand because he was outside of the country. wala na. sira na yung buhay ko since then. tapos ngayon he will try to protect me? naiiyak na ako sa station ko. hindi ko magawang super magalit with my dad. he's still my father, i love him so much kahit na i do knew some hidden facts about him.

as in inaaway ko siya sa daan.. hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa ginawa niya or not. though i know i was wrong on how i reacted pero sana diba he informed me that he will make such actions. parang ang liit na bagay kasi yun yet pinalaki niya.. or ako ang nag palaki? it's like i'm a highschool naive girl na first time nabastos..

hindi niya alam what i had gone through. ano ba ginawa lang niya nung nalaman niya.. umiyak lang siya. yun lang. he did tried to make a legal actions pero ayoko.. bakit hindi niya ako pinilit that time? syet! naiiyak na talaga ako sa station ko right now kahit coffee prince pa yung background music ko..

it's not that i hate my dad. im angry at him kasi im angry. i can't define the exact definition.. basta yun na yun. nagkapatong patong na yung stress kagabi which really broke me down.. tapos galit pa siya.. hai. if only alam niya kung ano yung nangyari no yung ful details.. super down sorry na nga ako. ewan ko lang..

i can see how he is especially pag galit siya. tipong may lines na "may usapan e.. " tapos imagining the roll of his eyes.. naku! super duper mega sorry dapat ang gawin ko..

ano ba.. napaka sama ng monday night ko. i want to cry.. but i hold it back kasi i need to be perky sa shift ko.

{ music } lalala, it's love..
{ mood } irritated

Posted by kidbaliw

3 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Im not myself today. Maxado ako affected sa mga nangyari sa akin. Gusto ko na umuwi.. Enjoy my upcoming 3 days rd.. syet! ang bagal ng oras.

As in super barubal na ako sa mga calls ko, ang taray taray ko na tapos puro pa long calls.. musta naman ang stats ko diba? Wala na nga ako ganang kumain kasi wala e.. wala akong gana.. Im not into dieting or what not. It's just Im not okey..

If ever I fail sa stats ko for this week, I believe there is a valid reason why. Ewan ko ba. Biglang hindi na gumanda ang takbo ng mga araw ko since monday.

Here are the words that fills my mind right now:

putang ina.. letche.. damn it.. fuck shit.. ukininam..

my head is insane right now. inom.. inom.. inom..

{ music } guardian angel by red jumpsuit apparatus
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } angry

Posted by kidbaliw

10 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Im planning to move away.. I heard myself whispering some words before I hit the sack.

~I wanted to be with you na.. I love you soo.. Miss you.

Hala. Bangag nanaman ako.. Daming pumapasok sa utak ko last night. Ewan ko ba pero I know there is someone that's deserving to hear this. Siguro masyado lang ako toxicated kaya kung ano ano ang mga nasasabi ko..

Iniisip ko whatever plan I had made Im pretty sure my parents will disagree with that. Pero ano magagawa ko? I don't want any ceremonies in relations to marriage.. aw! If ever like hindi maganda ang combination namin e d bilis maghiwalay.. ayt?

My heart also skip a beat when I heard this..

*guys meet nicey.. asawa ko.. (<what?! bakit ano ba kita? o.O)

Let me be your shock absorber.. Isigaw mo lahat sa akin galit mo sa mundo.. I'll be here to listen. Need strength? Kuha ka sa kin..

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay... here!

A song that really makes me weak.. Kasi napaka.. basta ang ganda ganda ng lyrics.. Ibang iba na red jumpsuit ito.. I wanna hug someone na.. o.O waahh..

Inaantok na ako ngayon sa shift ko.. Buti nalang sira lahat ng tools namin at apologize statement nalang ang ginagawa ko. Dami ngang renewals na call ko.. bad trip lang. Yung sa nangyari sa akin during my rd and noong sa white party to follow nalang. Wala ako sa matinong kaisipan (kelan ba ako naging matino?).. basta. Pag nassa mood na ako..

Think 100x or even million times.. pero one thing I'm sure.. un un! Here I go again.. Baliw as ever.. haiz.

{ music } won't go home without you by maroon 5
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } sleepy

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

Bigla kong naalala yung person who left me and went abroad. Wala naman legal something keme keme.. Hmm.. It's been a year na pala.. Before he used to email me and give me stuffs that really melt my heart.

Now hearing another that decision from another person makes me wonder.. Can I demand people not to leave? No. I don't control their life..

If you're going to make up promises with me.. Please don't.

I hate being hanging in an abyss and wait in vain.

{ music } no promises by shane ward
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } crushed

Posted by kidbaliw

6 viOLent rEaCTiOns

I want to stop but I can't.

Im feeling a bit throwing up and my world is swirling around me.

Why I can't leave it?

IM damn tired of it. sigh.

{ music } broken by seether and amy lee
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } sick

Posted by kidbaliw

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Bilis ng araw no? Valentines na bukas..

What can I do to perk myself out? I don't know. I believe it's just a same day (like any ordinary day) nothing special..

I just feel so alone and empty inside..

Secrets. Suppose to be kept and buried inside. How do we manage not to think about things that in relate with your secrets?

There are so many at sa totoo lang ang hirap.. hirap ideal mag isa. No one knows what I know.. Kaya nga no one can understand me e..

hai. hirap men.

ikaw? iniisip mo din ba ako? unfair naman kasi mukang ako lang nagiisip..

that's so unfair! o OA lang ako? as ever!

{ music } pilit by hilera
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } cold

Posted by kidbaliw

10 viOLent rEaCTiOns

10:45 am

Zapote.. ewan ko kung saan siya! haha!

    Suprise!!   

^Late ka na, bakit ka nandito?

~wala lang. may nagbigay sa akin sa kalye, ayoko ko kasi kaya heto..

^talagang pumunta ka pa para jan?

~of course. umuwi ka na sa inyo?

^ano ka ba? kakapasok ko lang kaya..

~what I meant is umuwi ka na ba sa 'bahay' ninyo?

^uu naman. (grins) cge na pumasok ka na..

~okey bye.. waah! Late na ako!

PDA (perwisyong dala always) joke!

Sarap mangimbey ng tao no? Giving surprises makes me thrill.. Ayoko ng ako yung sinusurprise.. Gusto ko ako yung nanggugulat.. haha! Well hindi man lang siya nagpakita ng appreciation.. If I know nahiya yun sa boss niya.. Pasaway lang talaga ako.. Hoo if I know kilig kilig ever siya.. muka niya! haha. Pasalamat siya at I woke up in a wrong bed.. mali! good side ng bed pala!

Valentines.. Oh yeah.. Makisabay ang dalaw sa celebration ng pinas ngayon.. hindi daw ako makakakeme.. as if! Ayoko nga.. Im wearing green today.. Plans? Wala no. Sa bahay lang ako.. marathon ito ng coffee prince! ahoo ahoo ahooo!!!

Happy heart's day everybody!

sappy love song on my list today.. minsan lang naman toh! =P

fave line ko sa kanta na I'm currently listening to:

Don't say you love me unless forever
Don't tell me you need me, if you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away

cge keep on torturing yourself during avail time.. haha!

{ music } baby love by nicole scherzinger feat. will.i.am
{ show } coffee prince & good luck chuck (on my station)
{ mood } bouncy

Posted by kidbaliw

7 viOLent rEaCTiOns

From restday I feel so good today.. ASG? (Ang Sarap Gumago?) haha.

 

 

Watched the movie yesterday, 16th of February.. Makulit yung kasama ko.. We were just playing around.. Last full show kasi tapos since ayaw ko ng spoiler sabi ko walang manonood.. ayun tumambay kami sa gilid ng movie house tapos kulitan galore lang kami. Bawal sumilip sa ending ng movie and we just sat there, kinukulit ko siya.. Tapos trip pa, pumunta kami sa pinaka unahan na sitting sa sinehan... syet! parang ang lakas ng radiation.. like supercomputer at nahilo kami pareho.. haha! I kept playing sa kanyang nose tapos inaasar ko siya.. yuck! baho! haha!

Maraming tao nanood ng last full show.. Walang nangahas na umupo sa line namin.. haha..

The movie was cool. Sabi ko, parang hawig ng guy yung sa starwars no? Sagot nia.. siya si anakin.. toinks! Astig ng movie.. Galing galing! hot pa ng bida.. Wish we had that power at hindi na kailangan ng passport at airfare just to travel the world..

Paglabas pa ng movie house kulitan galore pa rin kami. Asa jeep na kami, yung girl naka tingin sa amin.. sabi ko gusto mo blade? parang grey's anatomy lang tanggalin ko na yang itchy throat mo! haha..

Pero bago yun tumambay lang kami sa house.. Dumating kasi maliligo ako kaya yun pinag antay ko siya.. Gave my rubix cube.. tama ba? nagpakabusy siya.. Then after I took a bath, we just played with my dudung.. Arcade yung pinagdiskitahan namin na laruin. Then we sleep.. Paano panay dota ang ginawa niya kahapon.. ayaw pa umamin.. hmf! anyway.. we sleep.. siguro mga 45 mins yun.. naka idlip na ako e.. haha!

Tapos niyaya ko siya mag gala.. kahapon kasi stay put lang ako sa bahay. Tinapos ko ang coffee prince.. Naiiyak nga ako nung may part na paalis na si andie.. just remembered someone.. hai. kaya pala..

Anyways at least diba we're good. Unlike before na parang may hesitations.. My sister is happy kapag I share to her my stories.. kainggit nga yun bibilhan niya ng ring ang hubby niya.. malandi! haha! Happy monthsary para sa aking sis and her hubby.. buti pa siya! =P

I will not forget the way how those eyes were lain on me..

Bahala daw ako sa 28th.. talaga! haha.. takot ko lang sa kanya..

Today is my monday.. I told my sup na I'll be nice ulit when taking calls. Naman from my restday.. I think I had successfully hybernated. kahit na pinkaeleman ang phone ko, addik sa pictures at makulit ka like me..

Dito ka lang sa tabi ko ha? Seryoso ako dun sa sinabi ko sa'yo sa trike.. Pameet kita kay jay_r.. Good girl na ako no.. Kulitan tayo forever! haha! I'm thankful... Alam mo yan.. My guardian angel... and I'm your guardian devil.. haha

The team up of Soulja boy and soulja girl.. adik mode! Confession Sessions?? haha! dahil sa bloody valentine na yan hindi ako nagising sa other side este wrong side of bed na yan...  yOOOOooooooUuuuuu!

 

Im a certified boys night out fan.. kaya yung soulja thing na yan.. alam na!

haha!

(*tawa!)

{ music } we belong by tony g.
{ mood } flirty

Posted by kidbaliw

8 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Nakakainis.. Ang haba haba ng post ko tapos nawala?

Let me try to peel out what's inside my chaotic mind.. I remember yung dati kong kateam do wonder why I light up stick everytime this lines in a song:

giliw, wag mo sanang limutin
ang mga araw na hindi sana naglaho
mga anak at bahay nating pinaplano
lahat ng ito'y nawala
nung iniwan mo ako
kaya ngayon

ano ba talagang mas gusto ko
ang beer na to o ang pag-ibig mo?

I answered beer. The setting? Were on a park playing on a guitar. As far as I remember I was about to say goodbye and thank that person. I lied. Akala niya strong ako. He was hurt and so was I. Paano naman kasi ginawa niya akong animal sa isang laboratory.. Kept on doing tests.. Sa sobrang saya it hurt me. Bakit ba kasi kailangan pa yun? Hindi ba talaga ako convincing kapag sinabi ko na i love you? Pero matindi yung test na yun ha.. sobra! Parang first year highschool took an exam for fourth year hs..

Oh ayan ha.. May pahapyaw na sa tanong ng madla.. I remember talagang kinulit ako nun nila ryan, shewa at mommy kate nun.. I just sealed my lips that time.. the outcome? no cheesecake! waaah!

Pero looking back, oo nga naman bakit ba hindi ako nag pakatotoo nun? I don't know.. I just held back my tears. For now, I'm happy kasi nangyari yun. Time heal all wounds..

-no! wag! stop it!

Guy tried to be on top of a girl. He was strong and the can't do anything but scream.. She was helpless and no one hears her. The baton was trying to enter the batcave.. The hardness was there.. He wasn't listening to her.

Blood from her was like a faucet that's overflowing. She was in the bathroom and she saw her right hip was like ripped off.. Bloods were everywhere..

Dreams for me are my escape from the real world. The ghost keeps on haunting me.. It keeps bringing me to that room.. That dark, cold and scary room though it's on a godlike appearance..

Now, I don't easily believe to whatever whatever.. Kapag nakikita ko yung apple na yun.. It like it happened yesterday..

Bakit kaya ganun no?

Another one thing to share.. I got this message and I find it so lame. akala niya im that girl na madaling mafool? gusto niya isusubo ko yung dapat niya gawin? i'm sorry so kiddo..

Paano nga ba ako kapag inlababo? Ewan ko but I have a list that makes me hmmm..

Kainis naman ang ganda ganda ng draft ko before this tapos nawala? oh syet!

{ music } Don't call me when you're sober by evanescence
{ mood } contemplative

Posted by kidbaliw

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

 

 

Looks familiar? Im trying to have the real picture of the fruit I wanted to convey.

Let me share some of the bits and pieces of the picture behind it.

September 2, 2005

SM Makati

I was about to meet my dad's bestfriend. Kilala ko na siya since I was a little girl. Friend sila ng dad ko since binata pa sila. He works in guadalupe where the priest and madre are located.

My dad was outside of the country nun.. in Malaysia to be exact.

He was a big boss sa brent school, palasimba at yun nagwowork nga sa kumbento.

Pero hindi pala lahat ng banal at makadiyos ay pinapractice ang kanilang pinipreach..

Hindi ko malilimutan nung paguwi ko I was crying river of tears na. Yung katabi ko do wonder bakit ako umiiyak.. Una ko naisip puntahan si joey.. Yun din ang first time ko na magyosi.. Nagkita kami ni joey sa park ng sub namin.. I told what had happened..

We both cried. Never na ako magpapaniwala sa crispy pata na yan.. Kaya pala iba ang tingin sa akin ng driver when we took a cab. I made the song of greenday be the theme song sa incident na yan..

But I haven't yet woken up from this nightmare..

{ music } never ever by all saints
{ mood } cold

Posted by kidbaliw under timeline

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

-hindi na siya babalik

-weh? di nga? sabi niya may aayusin lang siya sa kanila

-hindi na nga siya babalik..

-teka ano to joke? (feeling confuse) monthsary ninyo ngayon diba.. uy happy monthsary!

-sorry pero we're telling the truth..

-ano ba kasi yan, huwag naman ganun.. namimiss ko na nga yung tao tapos ganyan pa kayo..

-sorry pero ikakasal na siya..

Initial feeling ko nun? Blank. I tried not to absorb kung ano yung sinasabi nila. It's like they're just trippin' on me pero totoo na pala. It was like on the year of 2005 nung gumuho ang mundo ko. I stayed in my room for days.. Feeling ko nun I was betrayed.. Though sige mali naman talaga yung simula ng lahat pero it's so unfair.

Iniisip ko nun pupunta ako sa province nila, I'll try my very best para mapigilan yung kasal.

-so totoo pala yung nalaman ko about you?

-dead air

-pero bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin nung andito ka. sabi mo ayusin ko yung akin tapos aayusin ko yung sa'yo.

(background: "pare tagay mo na"

-asan ka ba?

-andito kasama ko yung mga kaibigan ko nagiinom kami.. bago man lang ako bitayin bukas..

-akala ko ba babalikan mo ako? sabi mo may aayusin ka lang na papers.. (crying mode) bakit hindi mo sinabi yung totoo?

-im sorry.. akala ko kasi..

-no. akala mo hindi ko malalaman. ano ba ginive up ko na nga yung isa tapos..

-im sorry..

I thought that experience will never end..

Liers are everywhere.. isn't it? I hate talking about it.. I guess now you know why..

{ music } conversation of bona, darwin and domeng
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } frustrated

Posted by kidbaliw under timeline

6 viOLent rEaCTiOns

 

“I’m still angry, I still feel resentful and I can’t completely understand… And so, I asked myself if I could live without Go Eun Chan. Could I separate from her like this? And it turns out I can’t.”

-arthur

Coffee Prince

Pwede bang palitan yung Go Eun Chan sa name ko?? I don't know but how I wish there will be a guy who will the arthur of my life. They usually leave me kasi e.. Sabi nila they willl be there.. usually naman hindi e.. Asa..

Ayoko ng night shining armor ng buhay ko. I want a man not a boy or immature rascal who gets scared kapag real thing na.

Is that hard to have?

{ music } ryan wishing to have a sale (on call)
{ show } coffee prince
{ mood } peaceful

Posted by kidbaliw

18 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Oh My God!

The only words that was uttered that came out from her mouth. The moment was so unexplainable.. It's like they own the whole world.. The both side of ying and yang was with them.

*Lalala It's love (OST Coffee Prince) tumunog ang fone ko

-hello? who's this?

-hulaan mo..

-?

-tsk! wala naman trip! *b**??

-uu

-oh bakit ka napatawag?

-wala lang. andito na ako sa kanto ninyo

-weh di nga?!

-uu nga!

-ano naman ginagawa mo sa kanto namin?

-wala lang tumatawag lang.. (tawa) hindi.. punta ako ngayon jan.

-weh? baliw to! sabi mo bukas ka pa pupunta..

-anjan na ako mamaya lang

-cge tulungan mo ako maglaba *grins

-ayoko! masakit kamay ko no.. galing ako ng work..

Couple of minutes later..

-andito na ako!

-tara akyat!

-oh san ka naglalaba?

-malamang sa taas..?

I bought binatog.. ate it all up by myself..

-Sleep tayo

-Ikaw nalang maglalaba pa ako

-eeeeeh!! bukas ka nalang maglaba..

-cge na magsleep ka na at hindi pa ako naliligo (...yuck!)

-ZzzZzz

After an hour..

-psst! gising ka na. Tapos na ako maligo.. kainis ka hindi naman ako inaantok nahawa tuloy ako! tara na nga sleep na tayo!!

-okey.. tara na sa kama

Knock! Knock! Knock!

-tinatawag ka..

-hayaan mo lang, tulog ka na. *evil grin =)

-zzZzzz

Nasa bahay lang ako buong araw.. Wala din hindi na ako nakapag laba.. Tinamad na ako! ASG... ulit? well.. ^clap! clap! clap!

Anyways what I did was I uploaded pics sa friendster ko.. too bad at nasa private photos ko siya.. haha!

Alam ko I ate up whatever I had said in the past.. Ano magagawa ko? People change. So thankful that I had made the right move.. Ate my pride and I had been honest.. Kaya heto I reap the good fruit of the actions I made.

So so happy lang si watashi..

*a**!! Isa pa! Isa pa! Galing galing mo!!

yOoooUUuu!!

The post I made today is like a jigsaw puzzle.. alin.. alin.. alin ang totoo?! ahhahaha!

{ music } Your song by Parokya Ni Edgar
{ mood } devious

Posted by kidbaliw

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Being with you completes my day..

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.. ooops! Absence pala yun!

Got that line from eat bulaga on the spot game show.. haha!

Don't worry mamiss mo talaga ako for 2 weeks.. ehehe.

Wala lang.. writer's block lang ako. ehem! silip ka pa! mag dota ka na lang jan.. hmf!

Nagugutom ako... ulit? Matapos kong pataubin ang isang malaking box ng super supreme? hai. mamumulubi ka sa akin talaga.. yummy!!

{ music } tonight by fm static
{ book } blogs.. friendster (hindi naka surf control... yes!)
{ mood } full

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

 

I feel like i'm falling in an abyss once again.. It's scary coz what if i don't control myself? am I selfish? Selfish because I just protect myself from being hurt again? Should I be that stupid naive girl that will keep on doing the same thing with the past? I don't want to stab myself again and murder myself again.. I lost friends.. or I was the one who left them? I don't know.

If I fall will you be there and never leave?

A warfare that I've keep battling all along.. I can't put into words whatever they wanted to say. But hell I know I'll beat the deadline and you'll get the sweetest reward.

Im so stupid because I can't tell my true emotions right this minute to you. 

You keep doing things that make me feel like I'm in heaven.. But I know this happiness will leave a scar. Those happy moments will become a knife that gripe me coz you're a godlike and dominate the game.

But then again as humans we love being hurt unconsciously right?

Left!

You make me scream for more.. I can give love beyond bounderies.. are you worth it?

Love hell yah... Im so scared.

Makes humans real pathetic blindfool.. sweetest sin..  feels right yet so wrong. Oh yeah!

 

 

{ music } momemnt of truth by fm static
{ mood } crazy

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

Long term or short term? 

"Alam mo na nga kumunoy ikaw.. bahala ka kung gusto mo ilublob sarili mo at hindi na makaahon forever"

 I feel like crying na. Why I can't have 2 things at the same time? When I heard that I just held back my tears. Why?? Do I really need to choose one and loose one?

This is what I hate the most.. im so like pressured! Kasi yung short time Im so so excited kasi that will be my first time.. Yun nga lang yung long term it will create a huge thing and I'm pretty sure matapos ang kasiyahan ay total iyak mode nanaman ako.

Nahihiya ako sobra! It's like I was part of that plan, im so excited.. yet there are circumstances na hindi na talaga maiiwasan..

Most of the people I had asked that question did answered me to do the long term.. Oo nga naman wala silang alam.. Walang nakakaalam.. Ayoko naman ng regret..

Bakit ba kasi may kailangan piliin? Can I be on the same place at the same time? Sana naman diba maintindihan nila ako kasi ang hirap.. Ang hirap hirap ng situation ko..
 

Now I understand domeng..

{ music } moment of truth by fm static and what hurts the most rascal flatts (thanks big sis!)
{ mood } crushed

Posted by kidbaliw

2 viOLent rEaCTiOns

Bakit mas masakit ang words kaysa sa physical?

Sinuntok mo nalang sana ako hindi yung ganito..

Masakit.. Masakit.. Masakit..

I wanted to have a heart transplant.. now na.

{ music } paikot ikot na what hurts the most..
{ mood } depressed

Posted by kidbaliw

1 viOLent rEaCTiOns

"Everything's gonna be alright.."

I need that tap on my shoulder right now. Everything inside me is in chaos.

I feel so lost right now but I promised my sup to learn to separate my personal life over my work environment.

Baby steps I guess for the team..

{ music } my immortal by evanescence
{ mood } depressed

Posted by kidbaliw

4 viOLent rEaCTiOns

kaya mo e!

you just live your life without thinking na nasaktan mo ko... sana diba maisip mo or makiramdam ka naman kahit minsan.. pagod na utak ko.. basa na pillows ko.. masakit pa lungs ko.. for once naman itry mo ifeel yung shoes that i'm wearing.. try mo kasi masakit na siya.. buti sana may gamot sa mercury or sa clinic pangtanggal ng pain..

kaya mo e!

those words uttered did hurt me louder than actions

kaya mo e!

*sniff!

{ music } like a stone by audioslave
{ mood } pissed

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

This poem (i think) was sent to me by someone and it really touched me!

I wanted to say thanks to maldita_aq for this personal message.. Thanks sis!

"The One I Gave My Heart To"

How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad?
How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad?
Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand.
If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?
How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away?
How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say?
How Could The One I Was So True Too, Just Tell Me Lies?
How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break This Heart Of Mine?
Tell Me........
How Could You Be So Cold To Me? When I Gave You Everything.
All My Love, All I Had Inside.
How Could you Just Walk Out The Door?
How Could You Not Love Me Anymore?
I Thought We Had Forever.
I Cant Understand.
How Could The One I Shared My Dreams With, Take My Dreams From me?
How Could The Love That Brought Such Pleasure, Bring Such Misery?
Wont Somebody Tell Me? Somebody Tell Me Please.
If You Love Me, How Could You Do That To Me?
Tell Me........
How Could you Just Walk Out The Door?
How Could You Not Love Me Anymore?
I Thought We Had Forever.
I Cant Understand.
*How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad?
How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad?
Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand.
If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?*
How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away?
How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say?
How Could The One I Was So True Too Just Tell Me Lies?
*How Could The One I Gave My Heart To.....
How Could The One I Gave My Heart To....
How Could The One I Gave My Heart To Break This Heart of Mine?
Tell Me........

Sapol si watashi.. T_T

 

{ music } face down by red jumpsuit apparatus
{ mood } crushed

Posted by kidbaliw

3 viOLent rEaCTiOns

...sama ka?

I made my decision and trying my very best to be strong. I hate this feeling coz I had let go the opportunity to have fun and be with my team.

What can I do? My prescence is badly needed downsouth. I wish I can be on the same place at the same time. They say there is always next time but we can't take back what was done. Goodbye pictures with lighthouse and windmills together with my new team..

It's breaking my heart right now.. huhu.

{ music } how could an angel break my heart by toni braxton
{ mood } frustrated

Posted by kidbaliw

kOmEntO

nilalaman sa utak ng isang baliw

navigate

Home
Profile
Gallery
Favorites
Friends
Friends of
Content
Links
Archives

categories

• broken inside.. bleeding
• hidden letters
• liner
• moving forward
• Nobela
• real world
• reel world
• tagtagan!
• the past
• timeline
• what I'm feeling
• workikay

content pages

communities

tag me

Nicey Elicay's Profile

Create Your Badge

credits

Content © kidbaliw
Layout © Up4Grabs
Image © Stock Exchange
Pattern © Fractured Sanity
Image hosted by Photobucket
Font used is Scriptina
Site powered by Tabulas
Visit my plurk site Niceykels