Entries for December, 2007
My heart is burning like hell and I'm feeling the same intensity I used to have with the months of July and August. Here I go again, feeling lost and so damn broken. Forgetting someone who became a part of you is like forgetting how to breathe. Why it takes time to remove him away from my system? Can it be like domain transfer that just takes up to 5-7 days once authorization happened?
I know I'm pathetically a blindfool to his forbidden love. A love that once colored my life and made me complete for a while. In just a blink of an eye, I was brought down to hell as love cast a tragic spell on me. I don't know why he's like that. I think he enjoys putting me to my weakest position knowing that I'll drown to an abyss.
Now he occupies my dreams and that makes me miss him more..
{ music } broken (ost punisher)
{ mood } depressed
Posted by kidbaliw
"So what’s the point in all of this?
When you will never change
The days have past
The weather’s changed
Should I be sorry? Could I be sorry?"
I don't know what he's been up to this days. Huge question is on my mind.. why?
Why he kept on texting those weird messages? If you have girlfriend then why text like that? He keeps on hurting me by the thoughts of his messages. I just wanted him to be honest and look straight in my eyes all the truth I need to know.
Do I need to make another move?
Nah! I don't think so.
{ mood } crushed
Posted by kidbaliw
Someday I will get over you.
Only time can tell when but I know I will..
{ music } gotta go my own way (ost high school musical 2)
{ mood } bored
Posted by kidbaliw
Acceptance
-an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound
Everyday is my struggle as I try to accept that there are certain things that don't go my way. The past had already made its part and had mold me to who I am now. Why it is so hard to accept things without any questions? I remember I had read a message wherein the thought of that message was never put a question mark when life had already end the sentence with a period.. make sense right?
I get myself pretty preoccupied with work, getting stress with the calls I get every now and then. But at the end of the day, here I go and drown myself with river of tears. Only my pillows and blankets give me comfort whenever I feel alone and weak.
I hope this feeling will just fade away the same way they left me. It's weird because I yearn for someone who can never be mine. Im stupid because I let him change my world, took away my heart and broke it into pieces. I just love yet why it always led me to heartache?
ahh.. another question in my mind.
{ music } deep by binocular
{ mood } lonely
Posted by kidbaliw
Why does it always everytime I had accepted things he comes back again to the scene?
We are going to meet later, he misses me.. that's what he had said but at least I didn't made the move. What I felt? Excitement... Well I didn't slept too tight last night, I even dream of someone and it's a weird dream actually..
Within that scene, Im with my family like he's my husband and we have a child. I didn't remember his face yet he mentioned that whatever happens I will never leave them.. I even kissed our baby and it's like one happy family.. =) I don't know if it's another premonition or that guy was the incubus who's guarding me since I was a child.
Anyway back to reality, well I do look forward upon seeing him again. I was like thinking if ever I see him tonight will I hug him? Kiss him? Or just be bland toward him? The real thing I wanted to do is (if ever I can be brave enough) is to hug him sooo tight just to show him how much I missed his company.
Goodluck to me I guess.. It's a bit raining this day and I don't know where we can go aside from having a drink at Petron.. Maybe I'll suggest we can visit monkey bar and have a drink there instead.. right?
My heart is thrilled and I make sure that today I make myself pretty in a way.. Maybe I can make him have a pinch of regret as we meet later, right?
Love.. argh!
{ music } somewhere over the rainbow (ost 50 first dates)
{ mood } enthralled
Posted by kidbaliw
Second time? Nah, we have a lot! =)
My heart is over flowing with joy because of what had happened last night. Though I was pissed off because I waited for his arrival for around 1 1/2 hours... grrr!
Anyway what I had learned during that night is the value of 'patience', why? I will never have this feeling if I was an immature biatch last night. Haha! At least I managed to kiss him and hug him when I saw him.. =)
He really did missed me, he didn't stop doing things he usually do when we were still together. I love it when he do those sweet nothings.. =) God! I really miss his company and I'm thankful that I saw him.
He told me that he still love me.. I knew it! He didn't looked straight in my eyes when he was pushing me away from his life. Right then I was doubting that he's just doing an aliby.. Its been a while yet the feelings between us is still burning, creating massive heat of emotions that was shown last night. <too much! haha!
Im so happy that he returned back into my arms! I managed to let him go and find his own individuality before.. I was in hell when I let him go, leaving like half crazy and I can't stop but yearn for him.. I do sulk myself with work just to take him out of my system.. but I failed.
If ever you're in my arms again
This time I'll love you much better
If ever you're in my arms again
This time I'll hold you forever
This time will never end
I'll take the chance that was given to me.
Thank you for coming back into my life! teehee!
{ music } Baby Love by Nicole Scherzinger feat. Will.I.AM
{ mood } cheerful
Posted by kidbaliw
I guess you misunderstood my message in the wee hours no? Well since I don't have time to write a letter at high tech na tayo ngayon, I wanted to put my thoughts this way. Okies?
Yung sa sinabi ko sa'yo na 'hindi mo lang alam'.. remember? I'll be honest na sa'yo since I guess you deserve to know it... naman.. we're not kid na diba?
Anyway Im so happy kasi even if I let you go at least you came back to me.. syet! ayoko mag pakasenti pero sige lang.. haha! Like diba sabi mo noon I can find someone who's better than you..
Eto nangyari:
hmm I did tried to do that (masunuring bata kasi ako) like I kept myself so busy with work just not to think of you or miss you. I even dated some guys pero wala din. It's your company that I'm missing at gusto ko ganun sila.. I don't know why or maybe stupid lang talaga ako, pero ganun xa.. i mean ako. =P
Sobrang feeling ko im in hell when we parted ways (hindi lang halata) but you don't have to be sorry, it's not your fault. okey? =)
Kaya nga noong you asked me if we can see each other I said yes kasi I really wanted to see you.. just see you lang.. yun lang ang gusto ko.. pero what happened was way beyond my expectation at natuwa ako. as in! =)
I don't know why Im like this.. ano ba meron ka? hindi ka naman super gwapo no.. duh! cute hmmm pwede na.. hehe. joke! basta, I don't know why..
parang nag implied nga sa akin yung nabasa ko one time na
the only person who can put a smile on your face is the same person who brought you in river of tears..
wala lang.. sa totoo lang, I hate that I love you this much.. ni hindi ko nga alam kung worth it ka nga sa kagagahan ko.. pero I can't control my heart.. lagi nalang sila may warfare ng mind ko..
im so happy xe you came back.. basta. the feeling is overwhelming..
im enjoying the feeling.. weird ko no?
alagaan mo naman tong heart ko oh.. hehe.
shoot me an email
missyah!
{ music } once in a lifetime by freestyle
{ mood } enthralled
Posted by kidbaliw
Im scared.
The feeling is like in falling so fast from a cliff that any moment I can end up hitting the ground.. helpless.
Here I go again having this paranoia on my head. Sleep is the only way I can escape my insanities from the real world.
I wanted to be pacify, right now.
Im willing to take the risk.. do you feel the same way?
Will you be my guardian angel?
{ music } your guardian angel by the red jumpsuit apparatus
{ mood } scared
Posted by kidbaliw
I got my organizer from starbucks and my 13th month pay... yipee! =)
Christmas is nearing.. I can't wait to munch up putobumbong.. hehe!
Yet I still feel this weird feeling. Come on..
I'll be yours.
I always expect things will never go my way.
{ music } all you wanted by michelle branch
{ mood } anxious
Posted by kidbaliw
dysmenorrhoea (dys·men·or·rhoea)
This is what I hate being a woman, it feels like hell! I can't stand the pain whenever I have this monthly period. I was advised to log out of my station to get a medical certificate from our clinic.
Now doing this blog, it still hurts. huhu! 
I can't tolerate the feeling I'm experiencing right now..
{ music } bad day by daniel powter
{ mood } irritated
Posted by kidbaliw
These will be the last day of my work.. Hoo! I get to transfer most of my calls to my supervisors today..
I feel like I can't handle their issue.. Its just they're freakin stupid! grr! Simple explanation they can't comprehend? My customers feel like they're too teckie that they argue with me and they told me that I don't know what I'm doing.. Like hello? It's already part of my routine so..
shut the fuck up and listen to me you assholes!
I can't help but be irritated today!
{ music } shut up and drive by Rihanna
{ mood } angry
Posted by kidbaliw
I tried to do the this you are reading with the image.. Yet I can't help but get into him deeper.. I know that I will get hurt again, the hell. who cares?! At least my Christmas this year will be happier than last year.. right? hehe!
I feel so happy because I have him again in my life. I'll never commit the same mistake I did in the past.. Though I have been open with him, well I just 'hope' that he will take care of my heart. I'm enjoying whatever we are at the moment, no pressure and some weird stuff.
I can't help but be happy whenever I'm with him. Even if he's not vocal with his feelings.. I can tell.. Just like my prof told me way back in college that there is no measurement with love.. Use your mouth whatever your heart and mind wanted to speak to with your significant other.. hmmm.. make sense.
You know I love you and so am I.. You put back smile on me and I'm enjoying listening to love songs again.
Like what I heard from you just tonight:
"Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and you changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means... "
sounds familiar?
Now how can I hide this mark on my shoulder? ( I can't wear straps for days )
Hate the tahong days.. haha!
{ music } the past by jed madela
{ mood } touched
Posted by kidbaliw
I'd talked my guy friends and I asked about my situation. Even if I do have this feeling for him, I can't help but be skeptical with him. But I enjoy whatever is happening with us now, I don't want to spoil it. Should I ask him some questions that pops in my mind?
I never love a guy like this before, I kept asking myself why.. Like there are a lot of guys there more better than him. Well I guess that's the power of love, making me pathetic fool.. But I think it's better to be a fool rather than to be wise and unhappy.
Always follow your heart, never get any opinions from other people. Its better to be hurt because you have made your own decision.
{ music } I need you by 3T
{ mood } scared
Posted by kidbaliw
I miss your company, your touch. Why you make me feel this way?
Well I'm inlove, I know it's like I'm walking in a fragile glass like any moment I'll fall down. You told me that you still love me, right? I love your way how you express your love with me but Im scared.
You're my weakness.. I hate that I have this intensity for you yet I don't know if you feel the same way.
One thing I just wanted you to do for me,
can you take care of my heart?
Again, love is making me a pathetic blind fool again.
{ music } Hate that I love you by rihanna and ne-yo
{ mood } hopeful
Posted by kidbaliw
If you love me then meant it. I know we are so busy with our schedules with work, right? This feeling I have inside eats me out and makes me weak. I don't know if I should ask you or how will I ask you that question. It's you that I can't stop loving, like a rain that keeps on pouring.. Mine is already a typhoon..
My heart had gone through deep heartaches and I had shed a river of tears for you. I let you go and accepted that we were meant for a moment... right? There were a lot of chances that life had given us to be together.
For you I'll take this one last shot, love is a gamble. It involves taking risks and a lot of hope. How can a pessimist person see the all out beauty of love it offers? I wanted you to tell me or just say it.. come on. I'll listen.
I wish I can read your mind so that I won't be like this. Just show your real love for me.
We can't have the person to love us back the same intensity we feel for them.
{ music } don't say you love me by the corrs
{ mood } crushed
Posted by kidbaliw
"Have you found the one you want to spend your life with?"
Someone had asked me that question and I paused for a while gave him a reply
"I can't imagined myself wearing a white dress"
It will take a lot of encouragement for me to wear that dress..
That black dress.
{ music } when i see you smile by bad english
{ mood } devious
Posted by kidbaliw
Im a bit pissed.
Or I'm just being too paranoid? It feels like my heart is raging with fire.. Do I deserve being treated like this? The effort is not consistent and I don't know what I should do. I want you.. But you treat me like your toy. You just communicate with me only when you need me. I can feel my tears are falling like fire that is burning.. so hot.. full of angst.. grief.. so cold..
You know I'll do anything for you. Im your slave..
Im falling for you so deep that it kills me inside.
{ music } What is it to burn by finch
{ mood } angry
Posted by kidbaliw
I can't breathe..
A friend told me that this could be an axiety attack. It either too much of sadness, happiness.. whatever feeling I have inside. She even told me that this not good for me because it can be a problem in the future.
Sheesh..
I don't want to go to any doctor coz nothing can cure the pain I'm feeling inside.
Only you..
My only one.
{ music } only one by yellowcard
{ mood } morose
Posted by kidbaliw
Later I'll see my relatives on my dad's side. Im a bit excited because i look forward to meet again my grandparents. Though it's a bit odd I'm wearing black in this day. I don't want to think and be sober, I wanted to feel the spirit of sharing love and joy to everybody. Hey.. It's Christmas!
I recieved a call from my bitch, god! I was like so surprised hearing her voice and knowing that she is indeed in the country. Wow! I can't believed it! 
I got her call after purchasing the cake I bought from red ribbon. I was like speechless.. yehey! I will see her after my shift tommorow, she's my soul sister by the way.
Christmas is the day where we spend it with our love ones.
I wish I could..
..arrgh! I hate what I feel inside.
{ music } superstar by carpenters
{ mood } frustrated
Posted by kidbaliw
Happy Holidays!
What a night to remember.. My wish came true! He's the only guy that I brought home on christmas eve. That's how special he is for me, knowing that he made a sacrifice like spending the season with me and my family rather than his own.
I imagined the face of his mom.. oh my god! hehe.
Well at least he was with me..
You don't know how much you made me happy last night.
see. only the person who can soothen out the insanity I have is the same person who had caused it.
{ music } burn by nina ft. christian bautista
{ mood } giggly
Posted by kidbaliw
"Uu Im ol urs.."
It felt good upon knowing this during my lunch.
Wow. Heaven.
{ music } couldn't ask for more by edwin mccain
{ mood } loved
Posted by kidbaliw
I feel so damn sleepy on my shift.. arrg!
But I had a wonderful morning..
..hai 
tears fell down to my cheeks.
{ music } i believe in you by joe feat. 'nsync
{ mood } touched
Posted by kidbaliw
You are so special to me. I don't know why I go like this for you.. One thing for sure is I'll take the opportunity that was given to me. Im so thankful because I have you again in my life.. Now I feel so damn complete knowing I own again my other half. I don't believe in those stuff but hey it is happening to me.. Am I inlove? Is this what they call real deep love?
Sorry for all the things I had done in the past. I regret for hurting you and for letting you slip away. I'll make sure I'll cradle you with care in my arms. I can be your strength, your friend, your shock absorber and your partner.. (<< what the?)
I hope we can make through all the adversities that will surely come to our way. You were aware that the moment I let you met my family, it meant something.. right?
This one is for real.
{ music } power of two nina feat. paolo santos
{ mood } cheerful
Posted by kidbaliw
*goodbye babies
In time we will get there. It's just we need to take things slow and prepare ourselves for that matter.
Im sorry if you got sick and never report for work. I feel so guilty... I'm pretty sure your mother's angry at me now. huhu...
I think it's just because of the love we.. 
It made you so hot that it caused you to have fever...hehe. I wish I can be there to take care of you and be your personal nurse.
I hope you'll be there when I'm ready.
{ music } hot by avril lavigne
{ mood } sick
Posted by kidbaliw
Time flies so fast..
Buti nalang at hindi ako nalate kanina, may dinalaw pa kasi ako sa Dasmariñas.. musta naman yun diba? I was so scared sa kanyang mama kanina.. Btw I surprise that person.. teehee!
My life? In a way mejo maayos ayos na siya.. in compare with the previous years. My matino na akong work, buo na ulit ako at I'm so contented with my life. Though sometimes whenever I remember those events (the highlights ika nga), tears freely roll down sa face ko.
Im still angry with them. I can say na okey na ako pero I can't forget what they had did! Never ko nga kinakausap yung isa kasi sobrang paksyet siya.. as in! Kung hindi lang sa bloodline, sinumpa or napatay ko na siya. Yung isa, buti nga wala na akong news from him. He's the main reason why ganito na ako. Maraming mighty change of heart ang naganap during my younger years.. He's the reason why may tampo ako kay.. (^up there)
Then sa side ng mother ko, ngayon lang nila binubulabog ang life ko. Kung kelan na I'm 21 and working na already.. ginagawa nila akong high school.. I don't care whatever they say.. Bakit sila? Hindi ko nga pinapakialaman buhay nila no.. I have my life at wala silang alam sa mga nangyari sa akin.. I hate pa naman yung mga taong hindi naman pinapractice mga pinagsasabi nila..
Try ko na ibahin ang takbo ng buhay ko para wala silang masabi..
Ayos toh ha, labasan ng sama ng loob?!
Tapos na ko!
Happy New Year!
Im so happy with my life now. Sobra. I will never do the same thing I did in the past. This is my chance..
I'll grab the opportunity I was given. Make or break na ito. This is it..
Sana ikaw din ganun.
{ music } an agent irate beside me..
{ mood } contemplative
Posted by kidbaliw
I had read this line somewhere in net and here how it goes:
Im single yet I'm emotionally taken.
I feel this great intensity inside of me. It feels so good.. A bliss.. So enchanting..
I wish it will never bring me to devastation.
Let me cradle you in my arms forever and take you to a secret garden that you and I can share for a long period of time.
Oh my god! Is this me??
{ music } A promise I make by Dakota Moon
{ mood } flirty
Posted by kidbaliw
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